Last Tuesday marked my and Nelson's third wedding anniversary. And I totally forgot. And Nelson did not. This is not entirely surprising for a few reasons, the obvious being I'm an exhausted Mommy to an active and demanding seven-month-old who's having sleep trouble. The less obvious is that Nelson is the romantic one - he's the one who remembers things like our first kiss, what we were wearing when we first met, our first date, etc. These things have long ago passed into oblivion for me (so I guess he could re-write our history anyway he wanted, really.)
When my wonderful husband reminded me of our anniversary (the day before), I was actually annoyed at him for something, as I often am. Not in a I-hate-everything-you-do kind of way, but in a married-people-annoy-each-other kind of way. I can't remember why I was annoyed - he'd left the lights on upstairs when he came down, or hadn't put laundry away for a month, or "forgot" to do the dinner dishes - who know, the list of things Nelson does that annoy me is seemingly endless (love you, honey!).
So, here I am, annoyed about something trivial, and he goes and remembers our anniversary. Making me feel absolutely awful. I tried to brush off the feeling, but it stuck with me, because the feeling wasn't just about forgetting our anniversary. I forget stuff like that all the time and I know Nelson doesn't mind. I think he kind of likes that he is the one who's the keeper of all of our relationship milestones. When I apologized to him, he said, "It's okay. We're parents now. That's what's important," or something similar, which is actually why I felt (and still feel) so bad. We are parents now and that is a huge part of both of our lives. In many ways, our relationship as parents has taken over our relationship as husband and wife, and that is difficult for me.
I guess it is normal for your parental relationship to take center stage, particularly when it is so new. But, in all honesty, sometimes I really miss when it was just Nelson and I - sleeping in on Sundays, having pancakes, and sharing the paper. Holding hands when we walked down the street. Going out for a late dinner on a Wednesday nights at our favorite Thai place. Even just a quite moment alone without having one ear open for an urgent cry.
So, what I replied to Nelson, is that while I know being parents is really important, he and I are also important, and our relationship independent of being parents is important. I feel like I totally lost sight of that and now that I'm so much more comfortable in my job as mother, I'm going to work at doing a better job as Nelson's partner and wife.
Above, Nelson and I, four days before Oscar was born - our last weekend prior to becoming parents.