For the past week or so, I've really been craving some time to myself. After some thought about what I wanted to do, how much time I needed, I decided that I would leave Oscar with Nelson on Saturday morning and go to a local coffee shop and treat myself to some tea and some time away. I want to bring my new book and just hunker down and read for like two hours. This is a big deal for me. I haven't done anything like this since Oscar was born.
So, I told Nelson last night, "Hey, I'm going to leave the baby with you for couple of hours on Saturday morning so I can have a little time to myself."
His response, without missing a beat, "Well, what do I get?"
I was baffled. I really had no idea what he could possibly mean.
"Time with your son?" was all I could come up with.
"Well, yeah, but when do I get to go do something on my own?" he was looking pretty sheepish at this point.
I didn't even know how to respond. I was completely dumbfounded.
I am with Oscar 99.99% of his waking hours. This is my choice, yes. He comes with me everywhere I go. But mostly, we are here, at the house or in our yard or immediate neighborhood. I don't get out much unless it's to the grocery store, the natural foods store, the post office, housefrau errand stuff. And I'm not complaining. But lets be clear, I almost NEVER do anything without Oscar. In fact, I cannot remember the last time I went somewhere without him, but I'm sure it was too the grocery store. No, it was when I got my hair cut four weeks ago.
All I'm asking for is two hours. Just two. I just want to be by myself to two hours of MY LIFE. But my husband is making me bargain for it. He gets home at 5:30pm on a good day, and the baby is in bed by 7 or 7:30. So that's max two hours of help I get from Nelson with Oscar M-F. The weekends are the only time I get a hand around here, and now he's making me bargain away some of that time so I can have two hours alone.
I just don't think that's fair.
He runs errands every weekend - at least one or two - and NEVER takes the baby. And he's gone for at least an hour each time. But he says this does not count as time alone, even though he enjoys it. He spends two or three hours in the yard PICKING UP STICKS and other yard work, which he admittedly LOVES doing, but Nelson says this does not count because it is for the house. All this time, who's taking care of Oscar? Me, of course.
I know I'm pregnant and hormonal, but seriously. Is it so wrong for me to expect my husband to let me have two baby-free hours a week? Not even every week, just this one week.
He went out one night last week and played disc golf for TWO and a HALF HOURS with a friend of ours who was visiting from Florida. I stayed home and fed Oscar dinner and put him to bed myself, after caring for him and another baby all day. I'm telling him my two hour coffee break is in "exchange" for this time, even though I think he deserved it and I never for a second thought of asking him not to go so I could get a hand with Oscar, or making some kind of "bargain" for his time. I'm not sure he'll agree, but it just has to be good enough.