Monday, June 30, 2008

In Which I Read my Son's Mind and it Makes me go a Little Crazy

Time: Lunch time
Setting: The Dining Room my my 80-year-old Victorian home


Oscar: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH! (loud, painful whining sound)

Mommy: What's wrong honey, do you need more tofu? No, you have plenty of tofu on your tray.

O: (anger increasing) EEEEEEEH! EEEEEEH!

M: (beginning to feel flustered) Okay, how about more broccoli? Oh, I see you have lots of broccoli as well.

O: (nearing fever pitch) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

M: (with relief) Oh, you need a cracker! You've eaten all your crackers!

Mommy hands Oscar a multi-grain saltine

Oscar begins eating saltine

O: (munches saltine) EEEEEH! (munches, gets louder) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

M: (baffled) What is it, Oscar? Water, do you wants some water?

Mommy gives Oscar water. He drinks like a dehydrated camel.

M: Is that better, sweetie?

O: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

M: Oh, okay, more water?

O: (purses lips, tucks chin, wrinkles nose, squeezes eyes shut) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

M: (mounting confusion) Okay, no water. Do you want another cracker? You've still got half a cracker in your hand, but here you go.

O: (munches second cracker) EEEEEH! (more munching) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

M: (frustrated) Okay, you want more water?

O: EEEEeeh!

M: No? Another cracker? But you have two?

O: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH!

M: Okay, okay, another cracker!

O: (tosses aside cracker #1 for cracker #3 and begins munching) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! (munch) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH!

M: (ears bleeding) Alright, I give up, what could it be? Why on earth could you possibly be whining? Oh, wait, is it because the crackers get smaller when you eat them? OHMYGOD. It IS because the crackers get smaller when you eat them. But I can't DO anyting about that.

O: (waving around cracker shards) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH!

M: (begins simultaneously laughing and crying like a crazy person)

And curtain.

3 comments:

moo said...

We had a huge rainstorm here last night. Gray, PK, my mom and I gathered on the porch, under the eaves, to watch. Grayson was fascinated with the whipping wind, which sometimes sent droplets of rain on us.

The storm passed. And my son threw the biggest temper tantrum ever.

I laughed. You can't help it, you know?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

He has his vowels nailed at least...

Susanica said...

qOkay, that little Oscar is too adorable. And smart! How do you think he'd like that candy that sort of explodes in your mouth? Not that I'm advocating candy for lunch mind you. It's just that is gets BIGGER!

I can just hear him EEEEEEEEEing now. I'm sure Danny got that down pat now and we'll hear it tonight ;-)-Monica