I broke up a fight that ended in one kid laughing his head off while the other cried his brains out due to bite on the elbow. I sooth the cryer, reprimand the laugher ("No biting") and all is well. For the moment.
I walk into the kitchen to make myself a cheese sandwich and it gets quiet. Too quiet.
I come back in the room and I see one kid happily waving a sippy cup lid. For a second, I think, "Well, he's not crying." Then I realize if he's waving the lid, the cup, and it's contents must have gone somewhere. Somewhere onto my floor. And into a basket of books.
By the time I returned with towels to clean up the mess, one kid is sitting in the water and one is jumping up and down in it. I should have given up at this point, but I endured, drying floor and toddlers alike. Luckily only one of them required a wardrobe change.
After the wardrobe change, newly dry toddler insists on play on the couch, which is against the rules because squarely toddlers have a way of falling off the couch. Temper tantrum ensues.
I give. I allow couch playing. Toddler falls off the couch in maybe 30 seconds. No injuries, except to his ego. But, oh, the crying.
Crying abates, and couch player is content with playing with Ride-to-Stride Tonka truck. Toddler two decides to join in the fun, and attempts to sit on Tonka truck. But it is set up in "stride" mode, so he can't sit on it. Oh, the crying. He tries to sit on it again. Oh, even more crying.
So, do I switch it to "ride" mode, pissing off the first toddler and placating the second? I ponder this as the first toddler begins crying in sympathy.
Using my skills of distraction, I manage to assuage all tears. For the moment.
Other fights broken up prior to 2PM include the No-I-Want-THAT-Sippy-Cup-And-I'll-Slap-You-In-The-Face-To-Get-It fight and the Isn't-It-Fun-When-I-Jump-Up-And-Down-While-Pushing-Your-Head fight, which has the bonus of potential spinal cord injuries.
Is it nap time yet? Because I'm tired. And I still haven't had my cheese sandwich.