Dear Police and Fire Departments of My Fine Community:
I understand that having a siren blaring as you rush to an emergency is completely necessary. However, I'm willing to bet if they were just a scoach less loud than DEAFENING pedestrians and motorists would still be able to hear you coming. And there would be the possible bonus of the sirens not waking sleeping children in my home. Multiple times a week.
On that note, as your sirens are plenty loud, possibly could you not blare you horns in addition to them? Because, I assure you, if any pedestrian or motorist or sleeping child cannot hear your deafening sirens, the horn really isn't going to make a difference, mkay?
Yours in Safety,
Dear Mother Nature:
Although this last weekend was blazing hot, it seems you've finally realized that fall is upon us. I have been enjoying the mid-70s temperatures during the day and the low-to-mid-60s temperatures at night. These temperatures are one of my favorite parts about living in the DC Metro Area.
However, last night, the outdoor thermometer dipped well below 60 degrees and I am concerned. You see Mrs. Nature, I count on a good six to eight week gap between having to use my air conditioner and turning on my heat. This gap allows me to save up a significant chunk of change that I use on my holiday spending.
But, it's already getting a wee bit chilly at night, Mrs. Nature, and because I have a kid, I can't just tell Nelson to tough it out and wear a sweater.
Please, just let fall stick around for a little longer. Is that too much to ask?
I must request that you stop repeatedly pressing the "6" button on your Sesame Street Telephone. Hearing Elmo chanting "six, six, six" is starting to freak me out.
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.