So, here I am, at a mere 29 weeks and change and you know what? I'm am sooooo done. I'm exhausted (again), I've got nausea (again), I've got insomnia (again), I've got terrible heartburn, I'm starving but my stomach is so compressed I can eat anything, my lower back hurts, my hips hurt, my knees hurt, I'm peeing every 20 minutes, I'm out of breath, I have dandruff, I'm leaking colostrum, my gums are bleeding, my ankles and feet are swelling, I can't remember shit (like to take some out for dinner, or even that dinner exists), I'm fat, I'm crying all the time, and I'm becoming a psychotic bitch.
I feel completely inadequate. I'm too tired to play well with the boys, to big to haul my ass on and off the floor, too tired to pick them up and hold them for more than a few minutes, my patience is short, and they are getting frustrated with me (rightly so.)
Things that used to take me five minutes are taking twice that. Unloading the dishwasher or folding a load of laundry exhausts me. Hell, going pee exhausts me.
I'm overwhelmed. Being pregnant and taking care of Oscar and the house and the shopping and the scheduling is just more than I feel physically and mentally able to handle. I'm forgetting things, important things, like my dogs heart worm medication. Nelson wants to help, but when I give him a list of what needs to be done, one or two things always get "dropped" and I have to come behind him and finish up. Which is even worse than just doing it myself in the first place because, for example, I thought the vacuuming was done, but it never was, so now it's even worse than it was two days ago.
And I can't even talk about the negative progress on Oscar's toddler room. Really. He's going to be moving into a fuchsia room, and I know it and I hate it.
Oh, and the drain on the tub broke so the tub won't stop up, so we're back to using the too-small-toddler-tub for Oscar's baths.
And, did I mention that Nelson is going to Spain for a WEEK? A week in which I'll have even less help than usual, a week in which I'll be solely responsible for the DBB (dinner, bath, bed) trifecta all by myself? At 30 weeks pregnant. How is that going to work? Someone, please tell me because I can't figure it out. I think the week will end with Oscar starving, unbathed, and exhausted. Kind of like me on a daily basis.
This is only the beginning of my third trimester. Things are going to get worse, and I know it. I'm going to get more sore, more tired, more crazy, more fed up. I still have ten weeks and some to go, here. I can't even see the light yet. I still have a long haul. You know, before the new baby arrives and turns everything upside down.
I'm hoping I'm just having one of those days or weeks or whatever. I'm hoping tomorrow morning I wake up and am ready to face the remainder of my pregnancy with my normal glass-is-half-full outlook.
I don't like feeling like I can't do this.