So all this talk of my impending new arrival had me thinking about my own birth story, as told to me by my mom. And, you guess it, it proves her complete insanity.
I was my mother second child. My sister is eight and a half years older than me. My mom labored with her for THREE DAYS before she was born. And, she was three weeks late to boot.
So, needless to say, when my mom went into labor with me two weeks before my due date, she though it would be a while.
She was wrong.
Her contractions began in the early morning. She got up, made breakfast, and got my sister off to school. By the time my sister left, she'd been laboring for maybe two hours. Her cousin, who lived upstairs (my family owned a two family home) had been with her most of the time, since they got their kids ready for school together.
Kathy (the cousin) was nervous. "You should wake up Paul," she told my mom.
But, my mom didn't want to wake my dad. See, he was working nights and had only been sleeping for a few hours. She didn't want to wake him needlessly.
Her contractions were intensifying and Kathy persisted in her encouragement for my mom to hit the freaking road already. But, as you know, my mother is notoriously difficult to get out of the house. However, she finally agreed. She just had to do one thing.
She just had to HOP IN THE SHOWER so she could SHAVE HER LEGS. Because who could possibly give birth with hairy legs? I mean I know when I was in labor, I was all "But am a I properly groomed for this experience?"
So, there she was, nine months pregnant, in labor, shaving her legs.
Then she woke my dad and they went to the hospital.
She was almost seven centimeters dilated, so he broke her water and called for the epidural. Her doctor told her he was going home to take a shower and he'd be back to deliver me in a couple of hours.
He never got is shower. The anesthesiologist gave my mom the epi and then he decided to check her. She was fully dilated.
I arrived not long after that, a mere five and a half hours after she felt her first contraction.
And the only things smoother than my newborn behind were my mother's gams.