Tuesday, November 18, 2008

And Then There Was Me: A Story About My Mom

So all this talk of my impending new arrival had me thinking about my own birth story, as told to me by my mom. And, you guess it, it proves her complete insanity.

I was my mother second child. My sister is eight and a half years older than me. My mom labored with her for THREE DAYS before she was born. And, she was three weeks late to boot.

So, needless to say, when my mom went into labor with me two weeks before my due date, she though it would be a while.

She was wrong.

Her contractions began in the early morning. She got up, made breakfast, and got my sister off to school. By the time my sister left, she'd been laboring for maybe two hours. Her cousin, who lived upstairs (my family owned a two family home) had been with her most of the time, since they got their kids ready for school together.

Kathy (the cousin) was nervous. "You should wake up Paul," she told my mom.

But, my mom didn't want to wake my dad. See, he was working nights and had only been sleeping for a few hours. She didn't want to wake him needlessly.

Her contractions were intensifying and Kathy persisted in her encouragement for my mom to hit the freaking road already. But, as you know, my mother is notoriously difficult to get out of the house. However, she finally agreed. She just had to do one thing.

She just had to HOP IN THE SHOWER so she could SHAVE HER LEGS. Because who could possibly give birth with hairy legs? I mean I know when I was in labor, I was all "But am a I properly groomed for this experience?"

So, there she was, nine months pregnant, in labor, shaving her legs.

Then she woke my dad and they went to the hospital.

She was almost seven centimeters dilated, so he broke her water and called for the epidural. Her doctor told her he was going home to take a shower and he'd be back to deliver me in a couple of hours.

He never got is shower. The anesthesiologist gave my mom the epi and then he decided to check her. She was fully dilated.

I arrived not long after that, a mere five and a half hours after she felt her first contraction.

And the only things smoother than my newborn behind were my mother's gams.


Sprite's Keeper said...

I have to agree with your mom. Shaven legs are a must! Especially when they're in the doctor's peripheral vision!
You and my sister in law are mere days away from each other. She's due in 15 days. This may become a race..

Cameron said...

Here's to hoping for a quick labor!!

Anonymous said...

That is hilarious! But I tell you, I've been hoping I'll have time to take a quick shower too. But my legs? We have a shower, with no tub, and I can no longer put my foot on the wall and balance to shave my legs. So it's a production when I've done it over the last 3 months. Sexy, I know.

Casey said...

So you were in a rush to get out of there, huh? I think it's hilarious that your mom had the get primped but I get it. Both of my kids were two weeks early and the doctor sent me downstairs to induce at my weekly apts (her office is upstairs at the hospital). I didn't get time to primp with either of them. So since you're doing a home birth, do you have to primp too?

moo said...

after 26 hours with Gray ... this would be my DREAM labor!

hope yours goes as smoothly!!

steenky bee said...

Oh my, your mom is quite the warrior. How long did it take her to shave her legs? I can't imagine that you've got catlike reflexes when you're nine months preggers!

And, about Keanu, yeah, he's an awful awful actor. Can you imagine if he and Kevin Costner ever starred in a movie together? Just a bunch of blank states with mouths slightly open. I think you should write about their awfulness, especially Keanu's in The Lake House.

Anonymous said...

Dude, with both my pregnancies there was no way I could shave my legs at the end. And I am a gal that normally shaves every day without fail. So it was tough for me. When I went in for my semi-emergency c section, they were getting ready for the surgery, the nurse is down at my bikini area and I hear her say, "Um, doctor. Do you want me to do some prep down here?" Because yeah. I couldn't freaking see it.

And your mom is my hero.

Captain Dumbass said...

Maybe her doctor was a McHottie.

Becky said...

Wow, what a woman! I'm afraid that I gave birth all nubbly.

But I was chatting with my midwife, and she confirmed what I'd heard: that pregnant women are getting serious waxing DOWN THERE before giving birth, for the OB/midwife's benefit. Goodness!