Saturday, December 6, 2008

I Interrupt this Scheduled Guest Post to Bring You...

Okay, people, strangers are starting to call me fat. STRANGERS.

Scene: Baking isle of neighborhood grocery store (the irony here is not lost on me)

Jenni is perusing the birthday cake candle and decoration display, totally minding her own business, if not taking up more than her fair share of isle space.

Stranger: Oooooh, girl. How many months are you?

Jenni (turns, rubs belly): I'm due tomorrow. So, all of them.

Stranger (eye visibly widen, as if to take in my girth): Oh, my! Is it a boy?

Jenni (shrugs, smiles)

Stranger: I bet it's a boy. You always get REAL BIG with boys, don't you? I have two at home.

Jenni (trying not to beat stranger with five pound bag of sugar): I have a boy at home too. I didn't think I'd get any bigger than I got with him. But here I am.

Stranger (averting gaze, backing away slowly): But you carry it REAL well, though.

Jenni (putting down sugar, beginning to leave): Thanks. See ya.

Stranger (nervously scanning the isle for witnesses): See ya. Good luck.


Strangers are calling me fat. The general public FEARS me. At dinner last night, every single person that walked by me said, "Excuse me," as though there was not enough room to pass me and my gigantic self.

I am no longer large and lovely. I'm just large. Frighteningly large.

Can I please be done now?


Casey said...

Hahahahah, I'm so sorry. People are assholes. When I was HUGE with Elliot, I was walking down a hallway at the school I worked at and a teacher actually STOPPED her lecture when she saw me to come to the door and yell "damn girl, you got HUGE!". What's a person to say to that?
It's a baby, you're doing Sprout justice by not starving yourself. You'll lose a huge chunk of the weight very soon, don't fret my dear.

Anndi said...

I'm sorry. I carried the whole thing out front... WAY out front. People took a step back when I would turn around.

PRM said...

I remember walking out of CVS at 38 weeks and some random guy shouted across the parking lot, "are you having twins?" Thanks, no I'm not, I'm pretty sure there is ONE baby in there!!! Why do you need to know anyway? What the hell?!?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

just 8 more months to go!

Tara said...

I am overweight to begin with, so I was just happy people knew I was pregnant instead of just being *really* morbidly obese. I'd rub my belly in an obvious fashion, as if to say, yup, baby in there -- no one need cut me out of my house --

Sorry that happened though and I pray for the happy, healthy (and imminent) birth of your babe!

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Yeah people don't in general have a lot of tack. Like when I was preganant with my fourth random strangers would ask me why I wanted 4 kids? WTF? I told them that I was gonna try and get as many kids with different Dads as I could so far so good. That usually shut them up quick ; ) Good Luck I feel your pain!

blissfully caffeinated said...

Oh sister, I'm sorry. The same thing happened to me with my last baby. I was in the dairy aisle and an old man said, "You'd better get home so you don't have that baby right here by the milk." The kicker? I wasn't even full term. I was only about 8 months along at the time, but humongous. People need to mind their own beeswax. You growing a human being for Pete's sake.

Baby Bunching said...

Jeez! People are so stupid sometimes. The rule see pg lady and you say...YOU LOOK FABULOUS. It doesn't matter if you believe it or don't. You say it. All the time. Every day to every one! Easy peasey! I hope you have that baby today and YOU LOOK FABULOUS!!! Really you do. :-)

Anonymous said...

People are stupid.

I have something else happening. I am evidently ignorant of my girth. My ass and stomach have knocked more things over and bumped into more tables and strangers than I care to admit. Hmmm, guess i need to go evaluate the situation in front of a 3 way mirror. Because THATS what a 9 month pregnant woman wants to do.

FYI, today is the due date and there is zero progress still. Inducing on Friday unless something happens.
Sending you good vibes.

Anonymous said...

psshh - they just don't know beautiful when they see it. Trust me, you're gorgeous, they're stoopid.

Veronica said...

People are rude to pregnant women. 'Nuff said.

I got my first 'You are HUGE!' comment the other day. Yeah, thanks lady. You think I can't tell that when I have to roll over in the middle of the night?

Stimey said...

At least you still have a sense of humor. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

People are so RUDE. I'm sure your just cute as a button, and I feel for you.

EllenMarie said...

I loved how people would comment, "Oh you are due any day now huh?" from about the time I was six months pregnant. But far worse was the time at a store when a little girl pointed at me and said to her mother, "Mommy! That lady has a baby in her belly!" Yeah, it was 12 months after I had given birth, but thanks Little Girl! I almost started to cry on the spot and the poor mother looked like she wanted to die - she even offered to pay for my purchase. (Which I refused, somehow knowing that my kid would say all sorts of terrible shit one day too.)