Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Saying When

Have you met Moo? I'm sure you have, because she is totally awesome. She's a part-time SAHM to a two-year-old boy down in Atalanta and is expecting #2 early this spring. Her blog, Moo's Moo is funny and witty and honest. She keeps it real, y'all, and that is my favorite thing about her. That and the DRAMA!

I'm very honored to have Moo here guesting today (as I've been honored to have all my guest posters), but Moo is especially special to me. Moo is one of the "ones" for me, as a blogger. She is one of the very first bloggers that I did not know in real life to put me in her blog roll, and as you other bloggers know, that's a big deal.

So, thanks, Moo! Love you!


I am "nosy."

I put nosy in quotes, because I think I'm less nosy and more ... well, let's say, "curious." I really want to know things about people. It was one of the biggest draws to psychology for me. I could ask as many nosy questions as I wanted to and -- get this! -- people would pay me for the privilege. It sounded perfect.

Then, of course, I am also bossy. I love telling people what to do. I think I'm right, all the time, even when I know I'm wrong. THAT trait is a problem, I must admit. It makes it difficult for me to swallow criticism, even constructive criticism, because HELLO, CORRECT HERE, ALL THE TIME. I've gotten better about it, I promise.


I'm not shy about asking people about their personal life. And along those lines, I'm not shy about sharing stuff about my life, either. Pretty much ask me and I'll tell you what's up. It sometimes surprises me that 1.) people are shy about asking what they want to know and 2.) people are surprised that I would share so many things about myself. It's the drama-queen-attention-whore-nosy-bitch syndrome, I think.

No one around here yet has asked me the million dollar question that I'm sure at least SOME of you have thought in your heads, so I'm just going to go ahead and get the answer out there, without waiting for someone to be brave enough to ask.

This is going to be our last child.

After bob is born, we are done. Physically, financially, emotionally ... I am done. Lots of times during this pregnancy, I've wondered what in the world I am doing. If I wouldn't be a better parent to only one child than to two or more. Even when trying to get pregnant, I wondered what it would be like if we only ever had Grayson. I read books on it. I solicited advice. I hemmed and hawed.

Ultimately, I am going to be happy with my decision to have a second child. But I may not feel that way for years and years ... or maybe I'll feel that way about 5 minutes after I give birth. Because I am contrary like that. (point being ... I have no expectations, one way or the other.)

PK recently asked me, since we don't know the sex of bob, "so if bob is a boy, then what?"

"What do you mean, 'then what?'" I asked.

"I mean," he clarified, "then we'll have another one ...?"

"You want another one after bob?" I asked. I confess, I could not keep the incredulity out of my voice.

"If bob's a boy," he began, "then what?" He totally sidestepped the question.

"If bob's a boy," I said firmly, "then we will have two boys. The end."

"But what about a girl?" he questioned hesitantly.

"If bob is a boy," I told him, "then we can talk about having a girl in four or five years. And then we will adopt so that we will be sure to have a girl."

"So, I guess this means you're done, huh?" he asked, laughing.

"Oh yes," I replied without hesitation. Then I paused. "Is that ok?"

"That's fine, dolly," he admitted. "I just wanted to know what the plan was. Because in my house, growing up, that would never fly." (PK is the oldest of four ... his parents kept having babies until his mom had a girl)

But see, here's the thing ... I would like a daughter. An adult daughter. And a tiny baby girl to dress up and do her hair and take her to dance classes. Everything in between those two times? I'm not interested. That high school bullshit? NOT INTERESTED. So it's safe to say that I would be OK if I had two boys. I might have a regret 20 years from now ... but in between now and then ... really. I'd be okay.

And I'm only 32. So I still have time to Change My Mind.

So now it's MY turn to be nosy ... how many kids did you think you wanted, and how many do you have? Is that OK? Is your partner on board with that plan? How did you know you were done? Have you ever regretted that decision?


Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Well I for one didn't want any kids and ended up with 4 ; ) Life happens that way sometimes, especially when you're using the whole "pull out and pray" method of birth control. But I wouldn;t have it any other way!

Veronica said...

I'm saying I want 4.

However, if I decide to change my mind between here and there, I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I'm currently pregnant with #2 and we plan to try and wait 3 or so years between 2 and 3, so we'll see how I feel in 3 years time. Hehe.

Tara said...

We have one so far who is 3.5. We would like another, and are leaving that open --- but we are very happy with our family of three. I dunno, I fluctuate depending on the day. Some days I feel the *ache* and other days (particularly when Daughter is being a bit "spirited") I think, 'yeah, we're good...thaaaaanks.' Then I will watch the Duggars or something and get crazy ideas like I want 6 kids -- then other days I think, 'man, she is potty learned, sleeps through the night, we can travel with her and take her places...we can have a life now, why screw that up'... but then...

So, to answer your question, I have no flippin' idea LOL

At least I know I want the one I already have, which is good LOL

Super Ninja Mommy said...

I wanted none, I had four. The first baby sealed the deal for me. I realized it's other people's kids I can't stand, not my own. So we had two more. And then oops, we had a fourth.

For awhile I kicked around the idea of a fifth (not vodka, a kid) but then had a minor pregnancy scare where I realized I never, ever, EVER want to do this again. EVER.

Anonymous said...

I am done with just one (who is just over 2 now). Only children seem to be something of a rarity, but we are done done done and I am tired of getting told I will change my mind.

Allstarme79 said...

We always said just 2. We're kind of hoping our second will be a boy and then all will be fine. But who knows? I mean, we have tentatively decided that my husband will get a vasectomy after #2 but we'll just have to wait and see. I'm not pregnant yet and many things could change!

Elizabeth said...

We when got married, we decided we would have 1 kid and decide from there.
3 unplanned and high-risk pregnancies later, we're DONE!

Anonymous said...

I wanted 3 or 4 or 5; dh once admitted to wanting 3 or 4 (luckily I have it in writing, because he now denies that!). We were both #3 of 4. I kind of thought we were done after 3, so #4 was a teensy bit of a wonderful surprise (I'd started to think about one more). And he is such an awesome kid that I like to say "Everyone needs an Ooops." But really? Not everyone does. And my body was so DONE after 4 pregnancies, so there's that. We had approximately 12 years of diapers and potty training with no break. I can't imagine being done with that stuff and then having to go back and do it all over again.
Four means a minivan and big bills (teenage boys like long hot showers and plenty of food) and looming college expenses.
I know my dh would have liked a little girl. I'm mostly relieved to have all boys. We're looking forward to daughters-in-law and patiently waiting for granddaughters!

Oh, and SuperNinjaMommy said it so well: often it is other people's kids that make you think you don't want any of your own!

Anonymous said...

Well, we are thinking two, and currently waiting the birth of our first. (due 4 days ago people!) Maybe that will change. We haven't had the whole "must have a boy and a girl" talk, clearly we need to. I can't imagine having kids until you get what you want, girl or boy. What if you have 5 girls and what you really wanted was just one girl and boy? You can't plan that unless you adopt or so something selective. I think it's more number of kids to focus on, not the gender.

Casey said...

I'm like you, two is the magic number. We actually WANTED two boys but got a boy and a girl (we're so happy we did). I agree, I'm terrified of the high school bullshit that surrounds girls but we'll get through it. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and congrats on Bob!

Keely said...

I'd like a second one but hubby is still waffling on that. I'm 34 already so there's a small window of opportunity there - I don't want to be pushing out babies when I'm 40. So if we have another one, great, and if we don't, oh well. The one we've got is perfect.

Michele said...

I wanted 3, the husband wanted 2. We ended up with 2. And here is why:

Becky said...

Two IS the magic number. For us, anyway. My baby is two-and-a-half, and when I feel a twinge of baby desire, I remember how much work it is. That and the IUD keeps us at two.

And hey Moo, I'm nosy, I live in Atlanta, let's be besties!

Alice said...

HA, i'm so with you! i happily volunteer WAAAY more info than most people want, and am confused when they're upset when i ask nosy questions. hee.

i assume i want 2, i guess because i came from a family of 2? i don't know.. i don't have anyone to HAVE the kids with yet, so i haven't worried too much about the # of them :-)

oh also - you might have an OK teenage daughter. i only had like 2 weeks in all of highschool where i didn't talk to my mom. AND, if you kid is as dorky as i was, you don't have to worry about her dating!! ;-)

Divine Chaos said...

I always wanted lots of kids, like 6 at least :-D Alas, I never found the right guy .. or rather, the right guy was probably hiding from me if he knew I wanted 6 kids. So, I have 1 daughter, and 4 more in heaven that were miscarried ... and I'll have to be content to see them there, when the time comes.

At 40 the baby factory closes for good .. so I've got 2-1/2 years left .. ya know .. in case the right guy comes along lol

misstj said...

well, i wanted 3 and i think dh wanted 3 too, so since #3 is on the way that part is good. we're done after this.

but... we have 2 boys, and EVERYONE always wants to know what if this is a boy. well if this is a boy, then i have 3 boys... end of story. i'm not have a 4th (or a 12th) to "try and get a girl".

part of me wants to parent a girl like you do moo... as a baby in cute clothes and as an adult to have mom/daughter time and wedding and grandchildren. but the high school etc DRAMA/CRAP in between, i could live without. but i'm a good mom for boys, i've done it 2 times now and i'm gettin better at it.

so whatever this child is, i'm good! just glad we finally are getting #3!

As I am said...

I was HAPPY with the 1. #2 was a "suprise" altho we'd discussed the possiblity of have another. If it would have been up to him .... He wanted/wants a football team. Lucky for me and my HooHaa we aren't together anymore. Hahahhahahahha. I still really want a girl (REALLY) and so I'd be willing to go for #3 if said person had a Job and could take care of us and well had lots of female genes.

Anonymous said...

I really wanted 3 or 4 kids. My brother and I were 10 years apart, and I wanted my kids close together. Then I had my daughter...and I was so overwhelmed. I know it was the PPD, but it was BAD. And it scared the shit out of me? Can I handle 2 or 3 more babies???
I have baby fever now. My girl is 3 1/2. I'm ready. OR so I say. My husband wants only 1 more. I would still like 3, but let's see how nuts I am after I have a 2nd one.