Tuesday, May 19, 2009

RTT: Letters to my Loves

Dear Miles,

Hi, cutie. You are cuter and fatter every day. But do you know what's not cute? Teething. I mean, you are still cute and pretty much entirely uncrabby, but you're not sleeping. Which means I'm not sleeping. I think maybe just put the teeth away for a few more months, okay? It's not like you need them right now.

Love,

Momma

*****

Dear Oscar,

What is your deal? You've been a major asshole lately. I know you are testing boundaries and exercising independence, but you really don't have to be a jerk about it. All of the pushing and the foot stomping and the dramatically throwing yourself onto the floor of Target/Home Depot/Trader Joe's and screaming your face off is just a bit much. There are very real reasons I don't allow you to jump on the couch with food in your mouth; the most important one being that I don't want to you CHOKE and DIE. And while we are at it, the whole reason I cut your food is so that you don't choke. So, no need to stuff three or twenty pieces of turkey sausage into mouth all at once. One at a time. It will still get to your stomach.

Lub you,

Momma, a.k.a MOMMA! MOOOOOOMMAAAAAAAAAA!

*****

Dear Nelson,

The reason there were no batteries in the Sound Puzzles was only partially because we had no triple As, and problem we remedied this weekend by buying so may triple As at Costco we may never need to by them again. My ears are bleeding.

Kisses,

Jenni

*****

Dear Diet Orange Soda,

Why are you so delicious? Thank you for being calorie free.

Yours eternally,
Jenni

*****

Now, go give Keely some sugar. Or some lettuce (she's detoxing, you know.)

randomtuesday

11 comments:

Becky said...

Ha ha! Good to see orange soda getting its props. I love this format and may steal it.

Mrsbear said...

Ugh, my two year old constantly puts too much in his mouth...luckily (or unluckily depending on how you look at it) he's got a very sensitive gag reflex. I clean up puke for more often than I'd care to admit. Good luck with the teeth, yikes.

Cara said...

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who calls my kid an asshole out loud. Teething babies are assholes, too. Orange pop. Yum. Not that my apparently fat ass needs another pop (as I drink my large Sonic pop).

Cameron said...

My daughter the other day said, "Ewww, daddy...you need to take another shower cuz you stiiiinnk." That has nothing to do with you blog, I just thought it was funny.

Peggy said...

I love you for referring to your kid as an asshole. I've done this and my husband got all "oh that's real nice Peg"...whatever, it's not like I said it to his face...dumbass is waaay more appropriate when speaking directly to the child.

Heather said...

Very funny letters to your "loves". Probably shouldn't mention that my little one sleeps right through with or without teething...of course I'm sure I just jinxed myself.

GreenJello said...

I haven't had good orange soda for AGES. Maybe it's time to remedy that...

Casey said...

Ack, wait until you get two year molars, it's like a combination of Oscar's assholishness AND Miles' not sleeping. Fun stuff 24/7.

Heather said...

Yeah...I was pretty excited when "diet" Orange Crush came back out!!! That stuff is yummy with vodka by the way!!!

Design it Chic said...

I love your letters to your loved ones.. especially since Orange Soda makes its place in between kids and hubby! YAY Orange Soda! You've got another addict:)

came here via RTT and i loved you blog :)

Keely said...

Teething. Not cute.

Toddler assholes. Not cute.

Loudass toys. Also not cute.

Orange pop....blech, man, just blech. You lost me there.