Monday, July 13, 2009

Dear So and So...Volume 1

Dear Oscar,

Please stop being a total jerk-face. The appropriate response to Danny taking your Toon Car is NOT to take it back and beat him over the head with it. This only results in Danny crying, Mommy taking the toy from both of you, and you crying. Nobody wins.

It is also not okay for you to hit Miles in the head with any of the following objects: sippy cups; wooden puzzles; balls; Hot Wheels; books of any kind; blocks, wooden or plastic; your feet; your head; any of your tractors. I like Miles' head and would like it to remain dent free.

Also, I understand that you enjoy rolling on the floor and laughing with Miles. I enjoy it too. But you CANNOT clothesline him to get him down. He's only six months old. Full-on wrestling moves must saved until he is at least one year old. After that, it's fair game; I promise.

Love,
Mom

**********

Dear Danny,

Let me start by apologizing for the thunking your head sustained at the hands of my son this morning. That was a bad moment for all of us, and I'm glad you're feeling better.

However, I must ask that you expand your toy selection criteria to include those that are not in Oscar's hands. I realize that seeing him with a toy makes it look all the more fun, but you taking (or even just attempting to take) toys directly from his hands can only end badly (see paragraph above.) Once he puts the toys down, they are fair game (and completely unappealing, I know.)

Looking out for your best interests,
Jenni

**********

Dear Friends and Family Who Gave Oscar Gifts for his Birthday,

Thank you notes are done and waiting to be addressed. This means you could get your note as soon as this week or as late as never. Please consider yourselves thanked.

Regards,
Jenni

**********

Dear 31 Pounds of Fat No Longer on my Body,

I don't miss you one bit. Good riddance.

Pffft,
Jenni

11 comments:

Captain Dumbass said...

Those are great Dear So & So's. Sadly, my 6 and 4 year olds still need those talks. 31 pounds? Good for you.

Cara said...

Jenni, ROCK ON with the 31lbs lost! That is fracking amazing!

Once you teach Oscar hitting in the head isn't ok, please send him my way so he can teach Claire. I promise I won't hurt him & you might even enjoy the mini vaca.

Sprite's Keeper said...

31 lbs? DAMN! And I love Danny's letter! I almost expected Oscar's list of things that should not be used to thwunk Miles on the head with to include Danny himself..

Just Breathe said...

Congrats on the weight. I think you sent it to me! I love this post, it was a great read.

FoN said...

I feel your pain with the kids beating each other thing thing, but WAY TO GO on the 31 pounds!! Two babies and down that much pretty much makes you my hero.

Casey said...

Hah, jerkface is the perfect description for most two year olds. Keep up the weight loss, you're doing great!

Susanica said...

Well first of all, you look fabulous Jenni. Second of all, Danny needs to knock off the coveting thing. Honestly you hit the nail on the head (no pun intended). If someone else has it, that's all he wants. It's driving us crazy! When does this hitting thing stop? Thanks for all you do to in essence, herd cats all day. Hope there is no head bopping today. -Monica

bsouth said...

Well done with the 31 pounds - brilliant work.

I like your letters to Oscar and Danny, I may use them for my two, much of the content is applicable!

Mrsbear said...

Ha. I love the letter format. My two year old always reverts to throwing punches when he's angry, I think it has something to do with him not being able to verbalize and spout profanities at the offending sibling. Although he has taken to calling people "caca" when he's angry, which is akin to a toddler F-U in his world. I call it progress though. ;)

31 POUNDS! NICE! Congrats. The fat definitely deserved a letter.

Stimey said...

Hilarious post!

Great job on the 31 pounds! Someday I hope to be able to write such a post.

EllenMarie said...

Holy shit! Way to go - 31 pounds???? Can you send some weight loss up this way????