Monday, August 17, 2009

My Wits Ended About a Mile and a Half Ago

Oh my god Oscar. I think he's trying to drive me insane. He is so TWO! right now that I don't even know what to do with myself, let alone what to do with him.

He's into everything. It's constant from the second we get up to the second he goes to bed. I take him out of the crib and he hits the toilet; then he pulls out all his diapers; chucks his toys down the stairs; starts pitching things into Mile's crib at his head.

We're downstairs; he goes from the dog water to pulling things off the counter to climbing on the top of the table to dumping out all the salt to falling off the table to knocking over Miles to jumping on the couch to falling off the couch to grabbing the phone and throwing it to turning on the TV to turning off the TV to pounding on the windows to chasing the dogs to pulling every single book off the bookshelf to taking toys from Miles to randomly flinging toys around the room with alarming strength to AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I feel like all I do all day is follow him around and stop him from wreaking havoc, except that the constant state of havoc assures me I'm doing a pretty shitty job.

You know what he did the other day? He took his Tonka bulldozer and just whacked Miles right in the face with it. Just slammed him with it. Completely out of nowhere. And yesterday, Oscar came flying into the living room and just pushed Miles down and his head slammed onto the floor. There's also the time when Miles was sitting on the floor playing joyfully and Oscar came in pushing his giant dump truck at FULL SPEED and intentionally crashed into Miles. Do I have to illustrate how that ended?

And when he's not smashing him in the face or blatantly knocking him over, he's taking any toy Miles touches and just flinging it across the room. FLINGS it, as in if you are in the way of a flung object you are probably going to suffer multiple contusions, a broken bone or two, and maybe even a concussion.

He's just so DRAMATIC. The flinging is just one example. If he wants something he wants it five minutes ago and how come I didn't foresee his desire for a fruit bar (a fruit leather)? I should have KNOWN, and OHMYGODFRUITBARFRUITBARFRUITBAR!!!!!

Or, in the morning when I'm getting him a drink he wants WATER! and JUICE! and CHOCOLATE MILK! and I have to help him carry all three beverages into the living room because he needs all three. And if he doesn't get all three in about 35 seconds, or if give him the "wrong one" first? It's like a goddamn nuclear explosion in my kitchen. If it's in the wrong cup? Well, that pretty much ruins the whole day.

And, what? No cookies or fruities for breakfast? You may think this is good parenting but according to Oscar it's actually a very sophisticated and devious form of torture. CHOCOLATECOOKIESCHOCOLATECOOKIESCHOCOLATECOOKIES!

But, you know, of course he won't actually eat like an actual meal or anything. NO LUNCH! NO DIN DIN! NOOOOO! Most days he lives on pretzels, fruit leather, water, and air. Totally balanced. I can't figure out how he can eat so little and still have so much energy.

I just can't seem to rein him in. I try gentle discipline, "Oscar, we don't hit Miles. We don't hit anyone. Hitting hurts." He laughs. I try time outs. He alternately laughs and freaks the crap out. I demand he apologize; he refuses. I ask him if he will hit Miles again and he declares emphatically, "Yes!" Yesterday, he BIT Nelson on the arm and Oscar has never been a biter.

We have some good moments; the other day in Target when Oscar was supposed to be holding Nelson's hand and walking, but instead decided to lie down in the middle of the aisle and scream. I was able to pick him up, talk to him, and get him to walk nicely with me for the remainder of our shopping trip. I was calm and he was responsive and it was great. But this situation is the exception and not the rule.

I'm pretty good about not letting him see my frustration. I distract him from negative behaviors and reward him for good behaviors. It just that this does not seem to be working. He does not listen. Seriously, if he hadn't had a hearing test as an infant I'd doubt he could hear at all. I mean, how many times do I have to tell him he can't stand on the table? Five hundred times is not enough?

Do you want to hear about bed time? That's a whole post in itself. He goes freaking bonkers, BONKERS I tell you. I don't even know who that kid is. It's like he has springs in his shoes. Napping is hit or miss these days. I just cross my fingers and hope for the best.

I suppose this is why it's called TWO! and not just eh, two. This is also why I'm going CRAZY! and not just eh, crazy.


montana said...

I'm going CRAZY too Jenni! I get upset with myself for getting so frustrated, which makes things worse. When does it end!? I guess it's nice to hear I'm not the only one with an unruly toddler who impulsively wants to grab at everything and says NO to everything! AAAHHH! let's have a virtual drink.

elizabeth said...

I turned to Eric and said, "Let's go see what Miles and Oscar are up to..." So glad that I did.

We should be crying and sympathizing with you, but we just laughed and laughed. Was it madness? Fear? Yes, most likely fear of what is to come.

All I can say in sympathy is that your kid is completely NORMAL. And isn't that terrifying in itself!!!?

Some friends of mine from AU just took a trip to the UK with their 2 year old. It was an exact repeat of the days you describe - only it took place over the course of 24 hours and in an airplane.

Parents of two year olds the world over are horrified by what has happened to their sweet little babies.

Just get through it and wait to pop out the other side.

(Remember that line, and repeat it back to me in a years time.)

Good luck WILL survive.

Heidi said...

Yup - he's two. It's not going to get any better any time soon. Sorry. It starts to taper off around three, but my four year old still has many of those traits (um, touching everything on the counter, even if it's sharp. Especially if it's sharp!) And when they're four, they can reach more things. Just push everything back from the edge, remove all heavy toys and those with sharp(er) edges to his room, and pour yourself a drink around 4:30. You'll make it.

Susanica said...

Jenni, you know we can empathize with your Oscarmania. I think Danny now thinks his name is "no Danny no!" -Monica

Momma Mikki said...

I empathize. I offer my "scorched earth" policy as the only advice I've got to give. I spent a hellish week with Bailey, where she was pretty much not allowed to do anything unless she did it the "right" way. It's not perfect now, not by a long shot, but the girl knows I mean business. It means being a complete shit to my child for a long time - and feeling like crap about it. But now, I don't have to do much and she listens. She knows I'll follow through...and she doesn't want her *insert favorite whatever* taken away.

Not sure it'll work with everyone and you have to be willing to be a shit, but it worked for us. Mostly. Sort of. Well, enough to have made it worth it. LOL

Becky said...

Yeeaaaah. . . .sounds like an acute case of the two's. On the food thing, Hank went through a brief period where he didn't actually ingest food. Don't know how he lived, but I realized that if I didn't make any snacks available (i.e., I took the fruit bowl off the table) that he would eat a little at meals.

Also, with the everything-else-crazy-making about the two's, I just picked a couple of things to really care about (like hitting and screeching) and didn't care so much about the rest. It's so hard to feel like you've just said "no" all day. Hang on sister, this too shall pass.

Anonymous said...

I can only offer you virtual hugs. You'll be ok. It will end up ok in the end. As long as you can get there without killing anyone that is.

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

I am laughing because if I dont laugh I will cry kind of thing : ) I feel your pain and believe me I have been through 2s 3 times and its no fun... ever. Except for the small consilation that they still cant talk completly in sentences or roll their eyes yet with attitude. Plus they still like to (sometimes) be held and snuggled and tickled. It will get better Even though I heard that 3 is the new 2 Ugh. Here's to going CRAZY!

rachel said...

Thank you for the post. I love that I can relate to everything! Except the poison control issue. Thank God I lucked out on that one :D

Veronica said...

I'm laughing because dude. I know.

Amy turns 3 in a fortnight. She's still the same, a constant whirlwind of STUFF and THINGS and OHMYFUCKING GOD.

Apparently it changes somewhere down the track. Apparently. With Amy though, it just means she's learned to argue, roll her eyes, look exasperated and climb gates/bookshelves/closets.



Casey said...

Once again, I could have written this post. I think you're one of the only people who gets it when I say that my kids are fucking insane. You're about six months behind me in the hitting new asshole phases cycles but still, you've got the same kid at your house. Graham has been a violent ahole for awhile now and things are just starting to get better with 8 straight months of constant time outs.

Sprite's Keeper said...

I could say I'm so glad to have a girl, but I keep hearing they go apeshit around 12 or 13 and peace doesn't come back until they leave the house.

Captain Dumbass said...

My oldest got over that demonic possession fairly quickly, but my youngest is dragging out into four with him. Hopefully Oscar burns through it fast.

anymommy said...

Two and three are hard, really, really hard. I have to do deep breathing exercises through tantrums sometimes.

Crazy Meme said...

Aww I remember PJ well. You should too. He got you more than a few times. You will make. Remember you are the Mom and the best MOM. Love you

Momma Bear said...

man this really sounds like my house now. Although i have a 3 and 4 year old it seems like they follow their 16 month old brother and pull everything out too. My house is crap too and boy I'm beat. And the fighting...I'll just stop now. I'm rethinking 3 under scenario oh and you have two...I'm rethinking kids...:P it's a shitty season for both of us,perhaps.

Mrsbear said...

Two is tough, three is tougher, it seems they get more devious with age. My son doesn't hold a candle to Oscar though, maybe since he's the youngest in the house he doesn't feel that need to annihilate the competition. I feel for you. I'm working on patenting some sedative darts for belligerent toddlers, you can shoot them out of a bamboo dispenser from 1000 yards away. I'll send you a batch. ;)