Do you know what I've discovered? He ALMOST ALWAYS has something in his mouth - bits of food, lint, dog hair, dirt, microscopic pieces of paper - you name it, I've found it in his mouth.
**WARNING! THIS IS ABOUT TO GET DISGUSTING**
I decided to start...investigating...his poop. Too see if there were any non-digestables in there. And was there ever. Little bits of paper, hair, lint, string, all manner of little bitty bits that a baby should NOT be eating. And this was after I became super vigilant.
At first I was like "What the hell, Miles William? Are you starving? Are you teething? ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE?" And then I was like "Am I the most neglectful mother EVER? How on earth is it possible that my baby is eating so man non-food items (NFOs)?"
But now, I think not. I think Miles is just a particularly mouthy baby. I mean, all babies are mouthy to some extent at this age, but I think Miles is just really particularly so. Because we did not have this issue with Oscar. Yes, he's put things in his mouth. He even made a game of it after a while. However, even at his worst Oscar was never even half as bad as Miles with the things in the mouth.
Here is an abbreviated list of things I've pulled Miles William's mouth in the past week (and by "pulled out of his mouth" I mean pried open his steel-clamped jaws and did battle against his razor-like teeth to remove these objects):
- Dime-sized piece of stick
- Dime-sized stone
- Stale cheerio
- Corn-chip fragment
- Dog hair (may times)
- Small pieces of paper
- A used Band-Aid (thanks to Oscar) (OHMYGODSODISGUSTING!!!)
- Stuffed animal fur
- Dirt (many times)
- A piece of felt-food butter (my sister-in-law actually pulled this one out)
- Various unidentified NFOs
An impressive list, yes? Impressive until you here what he tried to eat on Sunday. His NFO pièce de résistance, if you will.
I saw him grab something and said to Nelson, "Get him. He has something in his mouth," and Nelson scooped him up and I noticed Miles had this awful look on his face.
"Well, I whatever he's eating doesn't taste very good," I joked.
And for the first time in the history of Miles William, that boy opened his mouth right up and let me sweep it clear.
It was one of these ugly mother effers. That would be a stink bug, my friends and it was still alive when I pulled it out (GAH, I touched a stink bug! I touched a stink bug! EWEWEWEW!) Miles ate a stink bug. Or rather he put a stink bug in his mouth and it RELEASED IT'S STINK when it (correctly) identified Miles as a predator. Apparently that stink tastes about as good as it smells since he so willingly let me remove it.
He had watery eyes and stinky breath but was otherwise fine.
If you are thinking that he perhaps maybe learned his lesson after his stinky experience, you'd be wrong. Just this morning I pulled out a piece of aggregate (NELSON) from his mouth. Why is it that I have a sinking feeling there are a lot more calls to poison control in my future?