It's kind of a weird thing though, right? Even though I know I want another child to join our family, there are certainly days when I'm maxed out by the two very rambunctious boys I already have. They hand me my ass more days than not. But at the same time, they are also pretty wonderful - smart, loving, funny. Everything you'd want in a kid.
I also have the same worries I did when I was pregnant with Miles: Will I be able to devote enough time to all of the kids if I have another one? What about finances? And the size of our house? I'm also really worried about getting a hard baby. I've had two really easy ones; my number has got to come up sooner or later.
I like begin pregnant. Well, for the most part. I like hearing the baby's heartbeat and feeling it kick. I love the full moon shape my belly takes, how nice my skin looks, the full and shiny hair. I love the anticipation of labor and planning for my home births. I love the feeling of euphoria the first time I hold my tiny babies. I love how my heart grows to encompass the new member of our family and how within seconds of his birth, it is as though he's always been with us. I miss teeny, tiny fingers and toes; first smiles; fuzzy heads; sweet smells; impossibly small onsies.
So, yes, there will be another baby. Just not right now.
We talked about it this weekend. Nelson asked me if I was ready to have another and I didn't even have to think before I said "No." He's not ready either, though I'm pretty certain if I said, "Yes! Now!" he'd have jumped on board.
Why not yet? Lots of reasons. I'm really enjoying the rhythm of our life right now. I'm enjoying our boys and watching them grow. I want to spend some time with them in their toddler hood, to foster the bond I can already see is going to be very strong. I'm savoring this time with Oscar and Miles. I'm making parenting breakthroughs everyday and it feels wonderful. A baby changes the dynamic so much and I'm not ready for that shift just yet.
We've decided to revisit the conversation in six or seven months, when Oscar is three (!!!) and Miles is 18 months. I might be ready then, although next winter or spring feel more right to me. But I do know that when I have dreams about our family, I always see us with three running around, and sometimes a fourth in my or Nelson's arms.
So (hopefully) there will be three. We're are in negotiation about four - I feel like if number three is a boy, I'll be done. Three boys in a row is A LOT of boys. However, if number three is a girl, I think I'll want a fourth. Who am I kidding? I'll likely want a fourth either way.
So, what about you? Plans for a new baby? A first baby? Or are you Done? How do you see your family picture?