Monday, November 23, 2009

More, But Not Yet

My pregnancy scare a couple of weeks ago forced me to think about something I'd been putting off: Would There Be More Children and When? Really more of the "when" part because Nelson and I'd already decided to have at least one more.

It's kind of a weird thing though, right? Even though I know I want another child to join our family, there are certainly days when I'm maxed out by the two very rambunctious boys I already have. They hand me my ass more days than not. But at the same time, they are also pretty wonderful - smart, loving, funny. Everything you'd want in a kid.

I also have the same worries I did when I was pregnant with Miles: Will I be able to devote enough time to all of the kids if I have another one? What about finances? And the size of our house? I'm also really worried about getting a hard baby. I've had two really easy ones; my number has got to come up sooner or later.

But.

I like begin pregnant. Well, for the most part. I like hearing the baby's heartbeat and feeling it kick. I love the full moon shape my belly takes, how nice my skin looks, the full and shiny hair. I love the anticipation of labor and planning for my home births. I love the feeling of euphoria the first time I hold my tiny babies. I love how my heart grows to encompass the new member of our family and how within seconds of his birth, it is as though he's always been with us. I miss teeny, tiny fingers and toes; first smiles; fuzzy heads; sweet smells; impossibly small onsies.

So, yes, there will be another baby. Just not right now.

We talked about it this weekend. Nelson asked me if I was ready to have another and I didn't even have to think before I said "No." He's not ready either, though I'm pretty certain if I said, "Yes! Now!" he'd have jumped on board.

Why not yet? Lots of reasons. I'm really enjoying the rhythm of our life right now. I'm enjoying our boys and watching them grow. I want to spend some time with them in their toddler hood, to foster the bond I can already see is going to be very strong. I'm savoring this time with Oscar and Miles. I'm making parenting breakthroughs everyday and it feels wonderful. A baby changes the dynamic so much and I'm not ready for that shift just yet.

We've decided to revisit the conversation in six or seven months, when Oscar is three (!!!) and Miles is 18 months. I might be ready then, although next winter or spring feel more right to me. But I do know that when I have dreams about our family, I always see us with three running around, and sometimes a fourth in my or Nelson's arms.

So (hopefully) there will be three. We're are in negotiation about four - I feel like if number three is a boy, I'll be done. Three boys in a row is A LOT of boys. However, if number three is a girl, I think I'll want a fourth. Who am I kidding? I'll likely want a fourth either way.

So, what about you? Plans for a new baby? A first baby? Or are you Done? How do you see your family picture?

21 comments:

1invermillion said...

We pictured our family as a family of 3 and that's how it will stay- DONE! We honestly don't know how people have more. lol.

VandyJ said...

We have our two and we are done. We did not want the children to out number the parents or the car windows. Also my second pregnancy was rough on me (pubic symphasis pain anyone?) Not sure I can do that again. Two is a lovely number for us.

jpooh said...

Since I'll be 47 in a month, I think 3 is my limit; five if you count my stepdaughters (and I certainly do). I originally intended to stop after Darling Daughter; I had a son and a daughter and all was right with the world. Then I found myself pregnant at 31 and was thrown for a complete loop, since Oldest Son had just turned 11 and Darling Daughter was 7 1/2. I'll be frank - I considered not going through with the pregnancy, for a lot of reasons. But when it all came down to it, I realized I really did want him, and I'm SO glad I've got him, because the kid is a constant joy. CONSTANT.

Now, I just wait for them all, in turn, to present me with more grandchildren. Because THAT is fun.

Jan from the Sushi Bar

Sprite's Keeper said...

You know what's in my thoughts. :-)

Susanica said...

Two has always been our vision Jenni so with #2 almost here, we are feeling pretty blessed. And fortunately what with the mechanics of getting pregnant as a lesbian couple, we don't have to worry about "accidents" ;-)

I did get a chuckle out of "He's not ready either, though I'm pretty certain if I said, "Yes! Now!" he'd have jumped on board." Such innuendo! Or was it? ;-) Monica

Greg said...

Jes and I are done and feel complete with our sweet baby zero.

jessicaprudencio said...

I am done. Done, done, done. All three are in school. They can feed, bathe, dress and entertain themselves. They are awesome little humans even though Brodyman can be a bit much thanks to the ADHD. They each have their place with me and they are all special. Three is a good number. Anymore than that and you just can't keep their names straight. Wait, I can't do that with three, lol.

Erin said...

it's funny that you write this because i am having most of the same feelings...except i am pregnant again! we will have our next one when the toddler is 3 and the baby is 18 months, which is probably when i planned to start thinking about number 3. I am excited now, and I'm ready, and we'll take what we get and be happy.
but...i've had two easy babies, what if this one is hard? he/she is coming earlier than planned so i'm hoping i get lucky with an easy baby, but 3 easy babies? yeah, right! and the time. oh how will i find the time. 2 push my limit often enough!

a new baby :) it is very exciting :)

Cara said...

I would definitely like to have a 3rd, but not for probably 2-3 more years. I would like to wait until Claire is in school (which was the original plan for #2!) but if it happens sooner than that, that's just the way it was meant to be. Chase will tell you that he's pretty sure he's done after 2 & that if I'd just say the word, he'd take a trip to the boy barbers, but he drops his sneaky little hints left & right: when buying stockings, saying we should go ahead & pick up 5 so we don't have to worry about not finding that style again, saying he'd like to pay my car off with our tax return so that when we trade it in for a bigger one we're free & clear on it...little things that let me know he's more willing for a 3rd than he lets on.

Mrsbear said...

We were done at three and then four showed up, which ended up being just right. ;) But now we're really done. Really. Just don't let me hold a newborn, it does crazy things to me.

blueviolet said...

After my second baby, I just waited and waited trying to figure out if I really wanted that third and if so when...for years...and I think if I had really wanted that third, I would have had it.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Never ceases to amze me how some people can say 'I fancy June or July' and have it happen.

The plan? 4 plus.
The reality? Let's get this one out in one piece and see what happens.

jen @ negative lane said...

I don't know how you're doing it with your two boys so close together as it is. I'd love to have a third, but for me the decision came down to 1) my age (old!) 2) it hurts (ha!) and 3) they're expensive. Although, it's mainly reason #1; I'd probably have a third if I had the time to wait and catch my breath, because I always thought I'd have at least three.

People keep telling me that I need to have another one so I can have a girl, but I always remind them that it doesn't work that way. Also, after two boys, I think having another boy would be the easiest way to do it. But again, it doesn't work that way.

Hannah Hammonds said...

I definitely want to have three kids, but my husband isn't too sure. We are expecting our second in April. Any ideas on how to thoroughly convince him would be helpful!

Keely said...

I'd like two, and we're trying, but...body is not cooperating. If we're lucky enough, I doubt very much we'd try again - I don't think my brain could manage 3 kids.

Sam said...

Don't tell anyone yet, but we JUST decided to try again in the summer. Shhh!

Design it Chic said...

ha i guess you're one of the few women that are looking forward for pregnancy.. we don't have kids yet.. we have to be more financially stable first... and then we'll think more of that.. it's just that personally I'm a tad scared of the whole pregnancy period.. I'm afraid of complications during the pregnancy and especially the birth act indeed.. the eternal natural vs. c-section worry...
Talk me into natural.. would you? :)

Happy Tuesday!
* check in for Randomness

Momma Mikki said...

We've always said 2 was our magic number. But Connor is 9 months and I've got the itch again. With my pening plans, it opens the idea up a bit. Kelly says no more...but she won't stop paying the 30 bucks a month to keep our three remaining vials of sperm on ice.

So who knows? Not now. But maybe someday?

Big Mama Cass said...

Well we have been trying for baby #2 since baby #1 was only 3 months. We did the injections and got pregnant but had a miscarriage in october at 10 weeks. So we are going to try the injections again next cycle, which should be just around christmas. It took us 5 years to get Monkey. So I am trying to be patient. (Only I am totally not patient and want another baby NOWNOWNOW!) :)

Irishtwins momma said...

Well I know that we at least want one more :) (possibly more then that!) I have Irish Twins one is 20 months girl and the other is 10 months a boy! I have three step kids 12,9,& 8 the 8yr old lives with us. I amkinda planning on taking my Implanon birth controll out when my daughter turns two....we will see my and the hubby <3 love babies :)

Michele said...

I wanted 3 then we got the "hard" one as the second. That ended all negotiations. I say go for it when you are ready.