Thursday, May 28, 2009
Instead, I've decided that my reader is not nearly full enough. What are your MUST READ blogs these days (aside from me, of course)? I'm looking for a little variety, folks who are a bit off the beaten path.
So, lay 'em on me. Leave a comment telling me who your most favoritest blogger of the moment is so I can go check them out.
I'll just be sitting here, engulfed in ants and laundry and temper tantrums and abscesses, waiting for your responses and hoping my roof holds up for another two weeks.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Oh, Keely your so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind! Hey Keely! Hey Keely!
*Did you watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 last night? I did. Can I just say that I feel bad for them? I mean, not for the fact that they are super rich and live in a gorgeous multimillion dollar home and have gobs of domestic help and pretty well behaved children (seriously, I only have two and they run around like monkeys. I if I had eight it'd be a zoo up in here.) I feel bad that their marriage is self destructing on a national stage. I mean, I know they are celebrities by choice, but they are not REAL celebrities. They don't know how to handle their relationship publicly. And being married is hard, especially when you have kids. When you have kids, you have significantly less time to work on your marriage. And I know a lot of people hate on Kate because she is such a ball breaker, but I feel for her. The woman has eight children; she has to run a tight ship or their lives would implode. Eight kids, people. EIGHT.
*Two nights ago, Nelson found a hard lump on Oscar's head. We figured it was a little goose egg from where he bumped his noggin earlier in the day. It was small for a goose egg, but it didn't seem to be bothering him, so I just figured I'd keep and eye on it. Well, last night when I was giving Oscar is bath, I noticed it was still there and had not gone down at all. And, I found a second, slightly larger one. As of this morning, they are both about the size of a pea, the second on still being slightly larger. They are pretty hard, leading me to believe they aren't cysts or swollen glands. They aren't red or causing him any pain. I'm TOTALLY FREAKED OUT by them, but I'm trying to take it easy because they don't hurt and Dr. Google assures me they are likely nothing. Nelson is taking him in to the pediatrician today.
*Miles has been grabbing at food on our plates, but he completely rejects solid baby food. Like, he gags on the first bite, and them purses his lips and dodges the spoon when I try to feed him. So, what the crap? Is he ready for solids or not? Because he acts STARVING all the time, and is nursing his face off. Maybe he just hates baby food? I mean, I can see that. It is pretty disgusting. I guess I just don't know where to go from here. Oscar was inhaling baby food at four months. So, do I just keep trying every day? Once a week? Wait until next month? It's just weird because he's clearly interested. We've done bananas and sweet potatoes. We eschew baby cereal around here - Oscar never did well with it (it made him gassy, constipated, and gave him diaper rash), so I'm hesitant to give any to Miles. But, perhaps I should...
*We went out for this wonderful traditional Chinese dinner on Saturday evening. It was great. A student from China that Nelson was mentoring took us. So, the restaurant billed itself as kid friendly. What does that mean to you? To me, it mean there will be high chairs, a kids menu, beverage cups with lids, and maybe even some crayons and an activity place mat. The place we wnt had high chairs. That's it. Unfortunately, I forgot Oscar's sippy cup and had not packed the diaper bag with toddler toys. The sucker is pretty loaded down these days with diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes for two, so I only put toys in for special trips. I had to run next door to get a sippy cup and some toys for Oscar, but he was still a heathen. Tearing around the restaurant, trying to run out of the joint, pulling napkins/plates/silverware off the tables, attempting to eat food left on other patrons' tables. He's so awesome sometimes. Anyways, the moral of the story is high chairs to not equal kid friendly. And Oscar is officially too old to eat out at restaurants.
*Have you seen the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall? It's actually pretty funny. Funnier than I expected. Although the unrated version has some male full frontal, like way more than is usually in non-pornographic American movies (so, maybe 25 seconds total?) and it's really too much for me. It was really for comedic effect, but I guess I'm kind of a prude. Anyways, I was expecting more of a ro-co, but it was more of a lewd comedy, a la 40-Year-Old Virgin. Which makes sense since it was done by the same folks. So, funny.
*I'm still thinking about Oscar's lumpy head and I do not like it, not one bit.
*We took Oscar to Stride Rite this weekend to get him measured for new shoes. He's a size nine. If you don't know, that's officially GIGANTIC for a two-year-old. But, the worst thing? The shoes he walked in the store with were a seven-and-a-half. We bought them in February. He was wearing shoes a size and a half too small. Parenting FAIL.
*I also got new shoes this weekend and I'm not entirely pleased with them. I have big feet (sorry, Oscar) so I always have a tough time and now I have to struggle with finding shoes that are cute, but are wearable enough to allow me to chase small children. That's not so easy to find, particularly when you're feet are the size of a drag queen's.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I realize I'm wearing my deranged lunatic /one-eyed pirate face, but the boys are so cute, I think that makes up for it.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Now, before you get all huffy on me, I KNOW. They are babies. They are testing boundaries and learning and exercising their independence. I get it. This is part of toddlerhood and dealing with toddlers is part of parenthood. I accept this. I EMBRACE it, even. I mean, I'm sure I was a complete asshole when I was two. Some would argue that I'm still an asshole, but that's another post.
But, really. I mean, toddlers get away with some serious assholery. Just think about it for a minute. If a grown adult tried even for a second to do half the asshole crap Oscar does in just one day, I'd probably be moved to violence.
Here's a short list of the stuff Oscar does that qualifies him for assholehood.
1. Regularly hits, pushes, and tackles his peers if they do something not to his liking.
2. Takes other peoples belongings and maybe smacks them for emphasis.
3. Tries to kick, poke, and/or body slam his infant brother.
4. Intentionally steps on other people's feet and laughs as they wince in pain.
5. Insists on walking in front, yet, stops and squats down like 50 times causing you to almost trip.
6. Plays in doorways.
7. Beats windows with his fists.
8. Jumps on the couch with his shoes on.
9. Tries to grab his own feces and fling it.
10. Demands to be held whenever the baby is nursing, to the point of Complete Meltdown.
11. When he hears the baby crying, demands to be held and has Complete Meltdown if the baby is tended to first, however wants nothing to do with parents if baby is not crying.
12. Throws objects, sometimes heavy ones, at people's heads.
13. Lays on the floor in public places and screams his brains out if his demands for toys/balls/cars/Goldfish are not immediately met.
14. Kicks the back of the driver's seat when in the car.
15. Takes other people's water and refuses to return it.
16. Regularly back washes into other people's beverages.
17. Intentionally dumps water/food/etc. onto the floor and proclaims, "Making mess. Fun! Fun!"
18. Throws his food on the floor or in people's faces if he does not want it or is finished eating it.
19. Kicks the underside of the dining table during dinner.
20. When moved away from the dinner table so he can't kick it, he places his feet ON the dinner table.
21. Has Complete Meltdown when he is unable to open a container or lid.
22. Has Complete Meltdown whenever things do not go 100% his way.
23. Has Complete Meltdown when tired, but stalwartly refuses to sleep.
24. Demands repeated viewings of the same two movies multiple times a day.
25. Repeatedly pulls cat's tail and slaps dogs in the face.
Seriously, folks. Really imagine for a minute that a grown adult tried to pull any of the above shenanigans. It would not fly.
Not that I spite him any of these shenanigans. If I'm being completely honest, I'm actually a little jealous. He gets to wear his emotions on his sleeve, to act on his every impulse no matter how reckless or dangerous, and he gets away with it because he's two.
I love Oscar, I really, really do. Like, with all of my guts. He has many redeeming qualities, as all toddlers do. He's quick with a smile, he's funny, he gives great hugs and kisses, he's full of adventure, he loves me unconditionally, he's so much fun, he's brilliant, he's charming, he's devastatingly handsome.
But still. Asshole.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Hi, cutie. You are cuter and fatter every day. But do you know what's not cute? Teething. I mean, you are still cute and pretty much entirely uncrabby, but you're not sleeping. Which means I'm not sleeping. I think maybe just put the teeth away for a few more months, okay? It's not like you need them right now.
What is your deal? You've been a major asshole lately. I know you are testing boundaries and exercising independence, but you really don't have to be a jerk about it. All of the pushing and the foot stomping and the dramatically throwing yourself onto the floor of Target/Home Depot/Trader Joe's and screaming your face off is just a bit much. There are very real reasons I don't allow you to jump on the couch with food in your mouth; the most important one being that I don't want to you CHOKE and DIE. And while we are at it, the whole reason I cut your food is so that you don't choke. So, no need to stuff three or twenty pieces of turkey sausage into mouth all at once. One at a time. It will still get to your stomach.
Momma, a.k.a MOMMA! MOOOOOOMMAAAAAAAAAA!
The reason there were no batteries in the Sound Puzzles was only partially because we had no triple As, and problem we remedied this weekend by buying so may triple As at Costco we may never need to by them again. My ears are bleeding.
Dear Diet Orange Soda,
Why are you so delicious? Thank you for being calorie free.
Now, go give Keely some sugar. Or some lettuce (she's detoxing, you know.)
Monday, May 18, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
All of my proms were with Nelson, my now husband. Our first prom, his Senior Prom, was in the glory days of 1994. You will recall this year's music charts sported hits such as Bump'n'Grid by R. Kelly; Shoop, By Salt'n'Peppa (still on of my faves); numerous melodies by Ace of Base; and the amazing Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm by timeless great Crashtest Dummies. But, what reigned supreme for us in those days was grunge - Nirvana, Perl Jam, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins. These bands make up the soundtrack of my high school years. So much guitar, so much angst, so much dirty hair and smudged eyeliner.
Nelson and I hadn't been dating long when he invited me to his prom, and he invited me just two weeks beforehand (nice one, honey.) I was pretty excited, as I was only a sophomore and it was a big deal for sophomores to go to prom. My mom was even more excited than I was. It only gave me two weeks to find a dress. I loved it. It was black, with a gauzy skirt with little beads hanging down where the bodice met the skirt. My hair was red (of course). I re-dyed it the day of the prom, so the color would be fresh.
On Nelson's parent's front porch, May 1994:
LOOK HOW THIN WE ARE!!! Check out my wrist corsage, hahahaha! Also, note to 1994 Jenni - that center part so dose not work for you, girl! What were you thinking? Ugh, and that red hair completely washes you out.
In my mom's kitchen:
Look how thin my arms were! And my itty bitty waist! I wasn't actually able to get the boutonniere on. My mom did it for me after we posed for the photo.
In 1996, I took Nelson to my Junior Prom. This was a much bigger deal, because I actually had time to find a dress. And find a dress I did. My Junior Prom dress was my FAVORITE DRESS of ALL TIME. I hope to be able to squeeze my ass into it again someday, with the help of HASAY and SPANX.
Although, I loved my dress, I made a major hair error. I had an up do, finger waves. My mom (a former hair dresser) did a great job, but the look was just not good for me. Too severe.
Here we are, in our "professional" prom photo, circa 1995:How fucking hot is this dress? I mean, OH MY GOD it was the hottest dress at the prom that year and I'm only partially kidding. Look at the key hole opening! And that slit! And could it bee any slinkier? Look how flat my stomach was. After two kids, it's going to cost me a lot of money to get it to look like that again. See what I'm saying about the hair? It just didn't add to the look. And again with the hilarious wrist corsage! Do people still wear those things? And look at Nelson's hair! LOOK AT NELSON'S HAIR!
Okay, my third and final prom. My Senior Prom, 1996. The theme was a Midsummer's Night Dream and our "song" was In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel. It was kind of anti-climactic since I'd already been to two proms, but we shared a limo that year with my BFFs Christie and Christian and their dates, so it was pretty cool. Our dates had all already graduated two or more years prior to the prom. We were those kids. I asked my mom to make my dress. She did a great job, but for some reason I decided to wear a white dress. Actually, I think I wore a white dress because my mom told me all the girls at her high school wore white to prom and I though that was cool. But I was so ghostly pale the white did nothing good for me.
In front of my parent's fireplace:
See what I mean about the white? It washed me out. Again with the center part, and check out my roots Classy. But not as classy as my SHIMMERY HOSE. And a Jenni/Nelson prom would not be complete without a wrist corsage. You can't see my shoes but I promise you, those babies were totally dyed-to-match.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
*Oscar is figuring out plurals and possessives, so right now almost everything he says has an "s" on the end. Sometimes he does it correctly, like when he points to my coffee and says, "Momma's hoppy," or when he points to the DVDs and says, "Moobies." Sometimes he does it incorrectly, like when he says, "Watch Elmos! Watch Elmos!" because thank god there is only one Elmo. He's also working identifying things that are singular, "A light," "A ball." It's kind of cool to see him figuring it all out.
*He's also beginning to understand the concept of "I" as in "I jumping," "I climbing," "I honkry (hungry)," and he's using almost no gibberish; he speaks in nearly all real words and jargon. You can almost have a conversation with him. I mean, just the other day I was like, "So, Oscar, what do you think about Obama's economic stimulus plan?" And Oscar was like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Bye-bye!" Pretty astute, huh?
*Miles? Rolling in both directions. Across my living room. Not even five months old. No kidding. And when he rolls over he does this gladiator-type yell that slays me.
*My Mother's Day was AWESOME. It's getting it's own post, complete with pictures. Sparkly pictures.
*As much as I love reconnecting with my old friends (hi, Angela!) I'm kind of annoyed that all these people from my high school that I barely even knew and certainly wasn't friends with have friended me on Facebook. FB politics kind of dictate that if you know someone even marginally and aren't personally repelled by them, you should add them as a friend if they see fit to make the request. But, then again, it's kind of annoying that I'm even on Facebook, let alone complaining about it.
*My mom is on Facebook.
*I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday. I also emailed my stylist my concerns about Oscar's hair - it's clearly getting too long and just looking unkempt and messy, but I'm afraid of cutting it because his hair is so thin and so fair. In person, Oscar's hair is almost a silvery blond. Too much of a cut will leave him looking bald. So, she is going to "trim Oscar's hair and give it some shape." This sound way to professional for a two-year-old's hair cut, but I trust her and there are not a lot of people I would trust with Oscar's precious curls.
*In the past week THREE people have told me how good my hair looks and asked if I've gotten it cut recently. It hasn't been cut in three months. My stylist knows I can't come in often because of the kids, so she gives me a cut that grows out into a new style. She does it intentionally. She is THAT GOOD people.
*I thought that the first time I took the boys out in public by myself was going to be the this huge, blog post worthy deal, but you know what? It wasn't. I don't even remember when it happened or what we did. I just did it. And I continue to do it whenever I want/need to and it's totally fine. I mean, I don't LOVE it, but it's completely manageable. Now that I've said that, the next time we go out something will go horribly wrong. Don't worry, I'll tell you all about it.*Are you planning a prom post for Friday? Because you should. I am, but I just realized I don't know if I have any prom photos at my house. Well, I have one of me and my dad but one of me and Nelson in front of the grey/cloud/blah background would be much better. I'm going to start snooping tonight.
*Once, Nelson had this dream that he and I were in an airport running for a plane to some place and he sighted Phil Collins. And Dream Nelson was like, "Oh my god, are you Phil Collins?" And Dream Phil Collins was like, "Yes. Would you like an autograph?" And Dream Nelson was like, "Heck yes! Jenni, Phil Collins is over here and he wants to give me an autograph!" And Dream Jenni was like, "Phil Collins? We don't have time for Phil Collins! Let's go!" And Dream Nelson shrugged apologetically to Dream Phil Collins and came with me and Dream Phil Collins looked sad. How funny is that? You know what's even funnier? If it had happened in real life, that's probably EXACTLY how it would have gone down. Sorry, Phil.
Monday, May 11, 2009
"Dada? Dada? Dada? Miles? Miles? Hahaha! Miles!"
"Dow steers? Dow steers?"
"No! Mickey! MICKEY!"
"Nosteer? Yeah! Nosteer!"
"Toes. Sock. Peents. Shirt. Shoes? SHOES!"
"Hand. Hole hand?"
"Two, free, four, fie, sick, seben, eight, nye, ten, leben, two, four, seben..."
"Awe done. Awe done."
"Meelk war dooce! Meelk war dooce!"
"I yono. I yono."
"Meelk? Meelk? Cocolat meelk? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Cocolat!"
"Mmmmmmm, yummy! Yummy!"
"Double you! Double you double you! Bee Burr Bee Burr! La la Bee Burr lala! A B C E S T W XY!"
"Muffy? Saucer? Yeah! Hot. Hot. Mmmmmmm, yummy!"
"Beak? Beak, wa are you? Beak?"
"Bunny? Wa are you? BUNNY?! BUNNY!? Bunny!"
"Cars? Cars? CARS?! NOSTEERS?! Mickey? Manny? NOSTEERS?!"
"Car. Cycle. Truck. Copter. Car. Pane."
"Sheebra. Snake. Peewee. Elfant. Monkey. Jaffe."
"Oh, no! POE? POE?! POE! WAAAAAA! POE!"
"Hello? 'Lo? Yeah. Haha! Yeah. Sure. Bye-bye."
"Pretzoo? Preztoo? Fishes? Fishes? WAAAAAA! PREZOO! FISHES!"
"Candow? Yeah, candow!"
"No! No! Nononononono!"
"Tee bee? Tee bee? TEE BEE?! TEE BEE?!"
"Read? Papiller? Papiller? Read papiller?"
"Light moon egg leaf!"
"POP! Sun! Honkry."
"Appoes. Peers. Pums. Beers. Orges. Cake. Cone. Pickle. Pickle! Hahahah!"
"Mamma? Mama? Hold you? Hold you? Waaa! Hold you!"
"Read. Read. Read."
"Mamma? MAMMA! Hap you? Hap you? HAP YOU?! WAAAAH."
"WAAAAAA! MAAAAMAA! Mama! Mamma! Ow! Hurt head! Hurt head!"
"Yeah, head. Yeah. Hold you!"
"Awe done. Dow? DOW? DOW?"
"Bok? Bok! Yeah!"
"Her. Her! Hole it."
"Miles? Miles toy? He go, Miles, he go. Haha Miles!"
"Haha! Uh oh! Oh, no! Miles toy! He go, Miles, he go."
"Paper? Crayons? Color? Yeah, color."
"Cheer. Cheer. Sit. Sit."
"No. Waaaa! NO."
"Bye-bye? Bye-bye shoes? Hat? Coat? Yeah, yeah, yeah! Side? Side! Side!"
"Bunny? BUNNY? WAR? WAR? Yeah. Hold it. Tee too."
"Light. Hole hand? Hole hand? Tee too."
"Bird. Car. Tree. Car. Car. Tree. House. Dog! Dog, woof woof! Car. House. Tree."
"No! I no wan to!"
"Side? SIDE! WAAAAAA! Bye-bye cars? Bye-bye cars! Cars? CARS!? CARS!!"
Friday, May 8, 2009
People, I went to not one, not two, but THREE proms. I'm not sure I can find photos from all three, but lord if I can, you are gonna see them.
How excited are you right now? Really excited, right? Well, guess what. YOU ARE TOTALLY INVITED!
If you want to join the Battle of the Big Hair next Friday, scan in your prom photos and put them up next Friday, May 15, and link back to Jen at Bliss Caff and/or to her co-host, Mary Ann at Stiletto Mom.
If you are a blogger and you read my blog, I want to see your prom photos next Friday. And if you never went to the prom? I still want to see your loser mug from high school, so lets do this thing, people. Lets embarrass ourselves and lament our lost youth/virginity/Aqua Net /Star Wars figurine collections together. You know you want to.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
My Dad came to visit yesterday. Oscar got attached surprisingly quickly and has been asking for him all day. It's sweet.
Another thing Oscar has been doing all day? Being an asshole. He's been demanding Cars and refusing to nap and trying to play with our new phone (he destroyed the old one.) So, you know what? I decided I'd let him cry in his room for as long as it took to get him to nap. And I brought him downstairs 10 minutes later to watch Cars and slam the new phone on the floor. He wins.
When Oscar was four months old I thought he was getting so big! But I think Miles at four months is such a little baby.
My friend Ellen had her baby yesterday. Her third baby, her third boy. Avery James. Cute name, cute baby. I have another friend that's due next week and another due in August and another just found out she's expecting. And you know what? I'm jealous. Don't tell my husband.
Speaking of babies, I had a play date with two of my friends from high school a couple of weeks ago (hi, Angela and Leah!) and their kiddos. Leah happens to have four babes, which is how many I want, but Nelson and I compromised at three. I told Nelson about Leah and her fantastic kids and he was like, "How is she?" And I said, "She's fine. She's happy." And he was like, "But I mean MENTALLY, how is she." And she's fine, which I told him, so he said, "Okay, then, lets go for it." And I was like, "What? Go for four?" And he said, "Yes, go for four." I was pretty pleased, and then he sort of chuckled to himself and said, "I'd like to see you TRY to have four kids." Like he was DARING me to have four kids or something. DARING me. Maybe now's a good time to tell him I'd really like five.
So, on Monday, after my roofing/ass post, Nelson was feeling a little slighted. See, Nelson is always trying to do things to make the blog, good things, but they usually get lost in the shuffle of regular craziness. We had the following email exchange:
N: I have comments on your blog
J: comments? what comments?
N: nothing bad....you are funny!! also......My first objective when I bought you the jewelry in Philadelphia was to show my love and appreciation for you....and....I was also thinking at the time that I could hope to increase my "score" on your blog....darn...I guess I will try harder next time.... [over use of ellipses, all Nelson]
J: ah, and here I though you just loved me. that's funny. and blog worthy.
N: yes ....I have been reading your blog more and more...even more since I cleaned up my office space and have a proper lunch time eating the lunch you lovingly prepare.... [again with the ellipses]
J: now you're just sucking up.
N: it's true
Monday, May 4, 2009
So, a few weeks ago, Nelson says to me, "Check out the roof outside of Oscar's room. There's been some Damage."
And I say, "Like from a tree limb?
And he say, "Or a meteorite."
Being that if our house was struck by a meteorite it would probably have burned to the ground, I'm pretty sure it was a tree limb. Also, I don't know if my homeowners insurance would cover meteorite damage and that's not the kind of question I want to ask them. Because while it might be funny, in my experience, insurance adjusters aren't really funny type people.
Anyways, the damage looked like some broken shingles and Nelson figured he could just fix that. Because he is an engineer, a plumber, and now a roofer. I wanted to call the appropriate professional, however in the interest of my husband's ego, I did not insist.
Well, the broken shingles were only the tip of the iceberg. There turned out to be a sizable hole in the actual roof below the shingles, meaning we needed to get a professional out to fix it, Nelson not actually being a roofer and all. Although he did do an excellent job patching the hole.
Well the roofer comes out and finds ANOTHER hole in the roof as well and tells us it will be $650 to patch the holes and closer to $2500 for a new roof (just over the kitchen and porch), which is what the recommend (of course) to prevent further damage from being done. My father-in-law feels we should just sell our home in this super shitty economy rather than repair our roof because that makes sense.
So, is anyone still here because this is some kinda boring?
On to better loses, my ass can no longer hold up my pants. So I got a size smaller this weekend and you know what? They're too big as well. No kidding. I've gone down two pant sizes in the past eight weeks. So now I get to break out my less-fat jeans, woo-hoo! Before you know it, I'll be in my chubby jeans.
AND, I've met my first goal: I'm back to my Miles pre-pregnancy weight, and less than six pounds away from my Oscar pre-pregnancy weight. Yippie!
So, in closing, I'm losing my roof, my pants, and a whole lot of weight.
Lost this week: 1.2
Total lost: 17.6