The basic itinerary of events goes something like this:
6:15PM to 6: 35PM - Dinner
6:35PM to 6:50PM - Play Time
6:50PM to 7:00PM - General Mayhem, Insanity (also know as undressing/de-diapering two small children; may or may not include screaming, crying, slamming doors, and fleeing parents)
7:00PM to 7:10PM - Bath (a.k.a Tsunami Time)
7:10PM to 7:25PM - PJs/Tooth Brushing/Pee Everywhere/More Mayhem
7:25PM to ??? - Nursing/Story Time/Snuggling/Bed Time
All of this is subject to change and give or take 10 or 15 minutes, but this is pretty much how things go. During this hour and a half or so of my life, I pretty much feel like I'm surrounded by maniacs and taking crazy pills. It's good times.
One evening several months ago, things were going pretty much as I've listed above. It was post dinner and the boys were playing with Nelson and I in the living room. Oscar and Nelson were playing trucks; Miles was fooling with the phone.
I went upstairs to use the bathroom unmolested and to run the tub. I called for Nelson to bring the boys up shortly later.
Hello, General Mayhem, Insanity.
So, I am chasing Oscar and trying to get him undressed; Oscar is running from me and flipping out - screaming bloody murder, "NONONONONO BATH! AAAAHHHHH!" And I'm in turn yelling, "Yes bath! Come on! Lets go!" Nelson is trying to undress Miles who's crying very loudly and dramatically and the injustice of having his onsie removed against his will.
In this very moment, the dogs start going ape shit. So I yell down the stairs, "DOGS! There better be someone with a machete on our doorstep!" Well, there wasn't someone with a machete (surprise!), but there was someone with a gun (double surprise!).
"Nelson! There's a cop at our door!"
"What?! A cop!"
"Yeah! Are we that loud? Did someone call the cops on us?!"
"I don't know; I'll go down."
Nelson goes downstairs to talk with the officer while I continue to wrestle with our screaming and unwieldy kids.
He returns five minutes later.
"What was that all about?"
"Someone dial 9-1-1 from the house, but no one said anything into the phone."
"Yeah, and when they tried to call back, there was no answer; just a busy signal. I just checked the phone and it was still on."
"Yeah, so they thought there might be a domestic disturbance so they sent the cop over to check it out."
"Oh my god are you serious?"
"I told him that the kids had probably called 9-1-1 by accident and then he verified my name and left."
"Didn't he hear the insanity up here? Wasn't he concerned?"
"Yeah, but I told him it was bath time and he was like, 'Oh, okay,' and that was that."
And that was that.