Monday, January 4, 2010

Sometimes You Get it All Wrong

Miles has an ear infection. I totally missed it. He'd had a horrible cold, had been terribly cranky, and was sleeping even worse than usual. We took him to Urgent Care on Friday and got him some antibiotics.

The sleep was awful Friday (and by awful, I mean waking every hour; only sleeping when held up right; doing a fair bit of crying even when being held upright because he was in so much pain), but a bit better Saturday (up between 2-3, but otherwise sleeping well.)

Last night when I put him down I had high hopes for an even better night. He was clearly feeling better and had napped fairly well. Miles was down by 7:30; Oscar by 8. I was in bed and asleep by 9:30. After nearly a week of serious sleep deprivation, I was trying to maximize my sleep time, especially given that the next day (today, Monday) I had to be up at 5:30.

At around 10:30, Oscar woke up crying. He'd had a nightmare and needed to be comforted. Had I been less exhausted, I'd have rocked him in his room and put him back down. But, I was exhausted. So I just grabbed him up and took him into the big bed.

This was my fatal error; the mistake that ensured my entire evening would be going straight down the crapper.

Miles cried out once around 2. At this point, I though to myself, "Hmm, I should probably move Oscar back to his room so Miles doesn't wake him." Miles sleeps in a room adjoining ours, so the crying is pretty loud. Well, I didn't move Oscar because I'm a fucking idiot. And I was exhausted. And I naively believed that maybe, just maybe it would just be that one cry and that Miles would sleep through.


Not ten minutes later, Miles was awake and crying. It was a very tired, sporadic, and not very loud cry. I decided to let him cry it out since he wasn't in distress; just awake and tired. And I've been night weaning (which was completely messed up by the ear infection) so I've been trying to go to him less and send Nelson more.

Oscar woke up after about 10 minutes of the sporadic crying.

I convinced him to just be quiet and snuggle down for a bit, but after about 15 minutes of this he yells out "GAY!" (the whole "Gay" thing is a whole post in itself) and the Miles kicks it into high gear.

(I'd like to mention here that Nelson has been asleep the whole fucking time. Like right next to me.)

I take Oscar into his bedroom to rock him, thinking Miles likely only has another 20 minutes of crying in him and I can get Oscar down in that time and we can all be asleep again by 3.

It was not to be, because Nelson finally woke up and decided to rock Miles. Which is fine, but it kind on ruins the whole cry-it-out scenario because Miles is not going to sleep for Nelson. He's going to doze and wake screaming again when Nelson puts him down and it will take another 45 minutes of crying for him to get himself to sleep.

So this exact thing happens. Nelson cannot get Miles down, and I can hear him getting frustrated. Miles is crying in Nelson's arms. Oscar can't go to sleep with all the ruckus. I put Oscar in his crib with a promise to return and got tell Nelson to put Miles in his crib and let him cry and I go back to Oscar.

I'm listening to Miles cry in the next room. He cries for about two minutes, sleeps for about two minutes. This goes on and on, so I decided I needed to check on him.

I bring Oscar to our room to lie down and check on Miles, who is obviously uncomfortable at this point with all the waking/sleeping in two minute intervals (it's maybe 3:15, 3:30 a this point) and I argue with Nelson for a minute (Did you give him any water? Any Motrin? What did you do? I don't know what you want me to do! Gah!) (really awesome) then I give Miles some water and I hold him and rock him for maybe a half an hour.

Miles falls asleep (Oscar is still awake rolling around in the bed, asking Nelson questions about TV and the sun and snow and and and) and I take him to lie down with me (and the other 40 people in my bed.)

He's almost instantly crying and rubbing his head, so I give him Motrin and rock him again. This time he falls asleep hard and we go to the big bed (Oscar is still awake) and we sleep until about five AM (less than an hour. And by "we" I mean Miles.)

Then Miles wakes up and feels awesome and he and Oscar start playing. In the bed. In between me and Nelson. To preserve our (Nelson and my) sanity, I move Miles back to his crib and let him cry again since it's pretty clear he feels just fine. He cries for maybe five minutes and then goes to sleep.

Oscar never sleeps. He starts giggling when my alarm goes off, so I hurry him out and try to get ready. But Oscar, he decides that he should play on his ride on rocket that makes special space noises and that he should ride it right into Miles's room. After I specifically asked him not to.

Miles, awake.

Then, in what may be my finest hour, I asked Oscar why he couldn't just listen to me (duh, because he's TWO) and then I told Oscar I was throwing his space rocket into the trash (hello, mean mommy.)

Oscar and I went downstairs while Nelson rocked Miles, and I apologized to Oscar and promised not to throw out his space rocket:

"You going throw my rocket in the trash, Mommy?"
"No, baby, I won't; I promise. I'm sorry I said that. That wasn't very nice of me."
"Okay, Mommy. It's okay. Love you." [HEART BREAKING]
"Love you too, baby. I always love you, even when I'm angry."
"Okay, Mommy."

Shall I even mention the baguettes I've spent two days making and how thanks to the shitty child safe cover on the stove my beautiful baguettes burnt in the last five minutes baking this morning?


Bring on Tuesday.


VandyJ said...

Mondays suck--especially when they start that way. I feel for you. Wishing you a good night's sleep tonight.

Heidi said...

Tonight: put the boys to bed, take a Unisom, sack out on the couch and let Nelson deal with them. It's his turn. ;)

Anonymous said...

My gawd - Tuesday can only be better!

I don't know if it helps, but one day they will be 15 and sleeping through the night. Of course, you won't because they'll be bottomless pits out growing their clothes every other week in high school and aware of girls and learning to drive...

Sorry about that - I'm projecting. Never mind.


Jan from the Sushi Bar

Strawberry said...

These misadventures do make fascinating posts, but ugh! poor you (poor everyone!)

Can't wait to hear about the "GAY!" thing. lol.

Maybe its me said...

You poor thing! I'm exhausted just reading this! I hope things go better tonight. Hang in there Momma!

Cara said...

Shitty miserable f'ing night. We've all been there. And I've threatened to throw toys away, too. However, it does me no good because Claire just says "OK. Dis one momma? No? How 'bout dis one? You taking da toys away?" :headdeskheaddesk:

jen @ negative lane said...

Except for the baking your own bread part (which I already mentioned impresses the heck our of me!), the whole story reads like some horrible flashback to about fifty nights I've had with my two little guys. Gaaaaah!

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there.

gretchen said...

Good news. It gets easier as they get older. Really. I swear.

Mrsbear said...

It's hard not to lose your shit after a night like that. We had a 6 month span when my youngest was constantly getting ear infections and it was a dark time. Those hours where they're just screaming, tough.

Hope you and the family manage to get some decent rest tonight, it'll do wonders for your sanity I'm sure.

Keely said...

Okay, this whole post? Is the 5% of me who doesn't want that second child.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, that sounds rubbish! We often have nights like that. I vowed to keep the kids out of our beds but at 1 in the morning when it's cold and you're so tired you've got the shakes then you just have to sometimes.