I though I would share a moment of awesome parenting with you my blog readers and friends, may of whom also have two littles.
On Friday, we made our weekly trek to Trader Joe's. So, a bit of layout - the spaces in the TJ's parking lot are perpendicular to the store, so the very first row of spaces are directly in front of the sidewalk in front of the store. When you pull in, the nose of your car abuts the sidewalk. You dig? That front row of spaces are the money spots. We scored one.
I grabbed a cart, buckled Miles into the seat, and went back to get Oscar. Now, the TJ parking lot is on a hill (this is what we call FORESHADOWING.) Not an extremely steep hill or anything, but a noticeable hill. I had the cart sort of anchored against the car so it wouldn't roll away while I got Oscar out of the car. The cart was kind of tandem with the car, but not entirely so because if I did that, the cart would block the sidewalk completely and that's not cool.
Oscar was asleep so it took a minute to get him awake and out of the car. And by "a minute" I mean about 20 seconds. The whole time I'm unbuckling Oscar's seat, I'm glancing over at Miles, grinning at him, talking to him, etc., but I had to ignore him completely for about three seconds while pulled Oscar from the car (again with the FORESHADOWING.)
Well, apparently the cart was not anchored as well as I thought and as I pulled Oscar from the car and stood him on the ground, I looked back to Miles and noticed he was not there anymore because the cart was ROLLING DOWN THE FUCKING SIDEWALK. FAST. Like rocketing down the hill. So, I run to get Miles probably as fast as I've ever run in my life (who is laughing hysterically) and he's like three or four cars away before I catch him OHMYFUCKINGGOD.
I snag the cart and immediate realize OHMYFUCKINGGOD, I left my not-quite-three-year-old ALONE IN BETWEEN TWO CARS to go fetch Miles. Thankfully I've put the fear of god in him when it comes to cars, so he did not run out into traffic, but followed me up to the sidewalk (we were parked in front of the sidewalk, you'll remember.)
Surprisingly, I succeed in not killing either of my children. We proceeded into the store. And then, we got into the store and started shopping and Oscar lost his shit and we had to go back out to the car (with unpaid for groceries in my cart) to get his bunny MYBUNNYMYBUNNYINEEDMYBUNNYWHEREISBUNNYLETSGOGETHIMGETHIMGETBUNNY.
AND THEN, after we came back in and he got his free TJs cookies he started crying for his water, which he'd left in the car and I refused to go back out of the store a second time because our cart was seriously full and were were 3/4 of the way done shopping, so he followed me around crying his brains out for 20 minutes. I even offered him a juice box in place of his water and he refused. Refused juice! Fucking asshole (did I just say that?), like I need him crying in the store making me look like a terrible parent. I do a damn good job of that on my own, thank you very much.
SO. To summarize: 1) Let baby in shopping cart roll down hill; 2)Left preschooler in parking lot between two cars; 3) Let dehydrated preschooler cry his face off in grocery store and suffer with no water to wash down his free cookies. 4) Called preschooler and asshole for being thirsty (but not to his face)
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.