Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Cutting the Grass

Sundays evenings are pretty tough around here.  On the one had they are good because Nelson is usually home and that means an extra set of hands to help with the kids.  But, Sundays are also the day we have to do all the stuff we didn't get done during the rest of the week - left over errands, grass cutting, loads of housework - and the kids are usually extra amped up after two days of fun with both parents, or in the case of this weekend, grandparents.

That was just a little groundwork for my story.  It's Sunday, around 5pm.  This kids are amped up.  Nelson does not feel well.  I have to make dinner.  The grass needs to be cut.  Nelson says, " I need to cut grass."

"Right now?  At 5 o'clock?  I need to make dinner."

"Well it needs to be cut.  I'll just do the front and side yard."

"Okay then."

Okay.  So.  I'm a bit annoyed by this.  This grass cutting at 5pm.  The boys and I had just returned from two hours out of the house.  I left the house with BOTH boys specifically so Nelson could have some time to himself to rest because he was not feeling well.  But now he feels well enough to cut grass?  Because when the boys and I walked in the door and I asked how he was feeling he responded, "No better."

I'm also a bit annoyed because I really enjoy cooking and I only get maybe two days a week where I can cook dinner without my children trying to crawl up my ass.  They are usually right there in my tiny kitchen with me.  Miles jams himself between me and the counter demanding to be held and Oscar alternately dumps giant bags of cars and/or trains on the floor and hangs off the back of my pants begging for a snack.  It sucks.

When Nelson is home, the kids still wander in the kitchen but Nelson is usually hot on their heels and will bring them back to the living room where he will distract them until I'm finished with dinner.  This time is blissful to me.  I love it.

Whatever, I agreed to the grass cutting because he was just going to do the front and side yards, which take around 20 minutes.  If he does the back yard, that's another 30 minutes.

So, I decided to go ahead and start dinner because it's a pretty quick meal and will be nearly done by the time Nelson is finished with the grass.  I figured he'd finish at the tail end of my cooking and come in a sweep up the kids so I would have a few minutes to clean up and put on the finishing touches.

The pot is simmering and the sauce is thickening.  Oscar is begging for a juice box or a snack or, really, my attention.  Miles is hanging off my legs.  I'm tripping over matchbox cars.  It's been nearly 30 minutes, where the heck is my husband?  I look out the kitchen window and notice he's cutting the backyard.  What?

Now, this is not the first time this has happened, that Nelson has said he will only do the front and side yards but instead just cuts the whole thing.  Yes, the grass needed to be cut but he told me he'd be back in to help me with the kids. I was counting on that.  That is what we agreed upon.  I'm annoyed.  I also can't help but thinking how every time Nelson does something like this, all hell tends to break loose.

I scoop up Miles and I notice he's warm.  He'd been up with a fever the night before and upon reflection, he was even whinier and more clingy than usual.

"Come on, Oscar.  We're going upstairs to check Miles' temperature."

I start up the stairs and Oscar is behind me.  He's slow because his legs are shorter than mine and because he's a preschooler and those kids are slow as molasses when you need them to do something.  Anyways, Oscar is lagging behind but I don't really care about that.  He's coming.  He'll get up the stairs eventually.

I undress the baby and check his temp.  101.3.  His diaper is soggy and I don't have a clean one upstairs, so I just give him some ibuprofen and figure I'll diaper him downstairs.  Meanwhile, Oscar finally arrives upstairs.

"Momma, I have lotion on my shoes."

I look and he does indeed have something on his shoes.

"Oscar what is that on your shoes."

"Lotion."

"I don't think so.  What is it."

"I don't know."

Then, I smell it.  And it smells lovely.  And expensive.  Like the salon shampoo I bought the previous day.

"Oscar.  What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"That is not lotion.  That is Momma's shampoo.  Did you squeeze it or did you dump it."

"Nothing."

"No.  Don't tell me 'nothing." I can see it all over you!  What. Did. You. Do."

"I dumped it."

I follow his sticky shoe prints and find that, yes, he did indeed dump it.  Down the stairs.  He unscrewed the cover and dumped my expensive shampoo down the stairs.

I carefully bring Miles down the stairs and diaper him.  I check dinner and turn off the stove.  Then, I spend ten minutes trying to get very thick, expensive shampoo off of my wooden stairs, all the while my feverish toddler whines mercilessly.  Have you ever tried to clean shampoo off wooden stairs?  Have you?  It takes FOREVER.  I was very busy.  And also head explodey because of the whining.

So busy was I that I fail to notice Oscar hadn't reappeared.

"Oscar?  Oscar, where are you?"

"..."

"Oscar, you always answer Momma.  Where. Are. You?"

"Upstairs.  With the paint."

"What?!  What paint?"

Luckily it was just bathtub paint, totally washable.

Oscar agrees to come downstairs after I promise he can have the bathtub paints in his bath after dinner.

Nelson came in.

"Hey, how's it going?"

"You know.  Terrible.  Miles has a fever and Oscar dumped my shampoo down the stairs and go into the bathtub paint and dinner has been ready for fifteen minutes."

"Oh."

"Well, lets eat."

"I'll do the baths tonight."

"Great. Oscar gets his paints."  

Have fun with that, Dad.

16 comments:

Barbara said...

It is so hard when you think you have an agreement and then it doesn't happen.

I am so sorry about your shampoo - that's just not fair.

Jan said...

Hmmm...perhaps Nelson owes you a new bottle of shampoo. And a day alone without the boys this Sunday.

(((Jenni)))

Um...why is my word verification "cheater"? 'Tisn't true...

Kingsmom said...

Whew. That wore me out just reading it.

blissfully caffeinated said...

Ah, the dumping of brand new bottles of shampoo. It's a time honored tradition at my house.

Seriously. Can't tell you how many times it's happened. New shampoo, new very expensive California Baby wash, new lotion, a bottle of Pink Sugar (my bathroom smelled like cotton candy for a week).

I could've written this post (except with girls and minus the stairs). Move to California. We'll ditch our husbands on Sundays and take boxed wine to the pedicure place.

xo

Pamela said...

hopefully he redeems himself by mother's day.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you poor thing! I think we may be married to the same man. I'm just sayin'.

I agree with Jan - Nelson absolutely owes you a new bottle of shampoo and a day alone without the boys this Sunday. At least! :)

Michele said...

Time to play what we liked to call, "hot potato baby" Pass those boys off to the man. This is called parenting not mom does all the work with the kids and dad get time alone. Even if it is mowing the lawn. Nelson got 50 minutes+ of uninterrupted time.

If you were in Houston I'd babysit. Hope the boys feel better soon.

Sam said...

Duuuuude. That totally sucks. Why MEN WHY?? I swear this shit is in their genes. Why can't babies get into crappy soap? Why the good shampoo of awesome? WHY OH WHY. (sorry for the whining)

Aliceson said...

I agree with Jan, Nelson owes you a bottle of shampoo and and day off of mommy duty!

My husband pulls that "I need to mow the lawn right now" BS too, although it takes 3 hours to do our lawn! He's eaten more than one cold meal after I decided that 7 o'clock on a school night is too late for the girls to be starting dinner.

FoN said...

Wow, I'm just super pissed off on your behalf after reading that. I need a nap. And a cocktail.

VandyJ said...

I so know where you are coming from. Nick and I have agreements too--although often ours are about when he is coming home-timing is not his thing. Sorry about the shampoo--hopefully this Sunday makes up for it. Happy Mother's Day!

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gretchen said...

Ugh. I feel your pain. I so hate that feeling of when you treat yourself to something a little expensive, and then it somehow gets ruined. And they're too little to get really mad! I'm with Jan, I hope Nelson gives you a nice Mother's Day OFF!

Big Mama Cass said...

Dude, you are WAY more calm than me. Dad would have had his ass handed to him on a platter while I said "I am pouring a glass of wine and taking a bath... feed the kids!"

Ok that prolly wouldn't have happened but it sounds good right?

Keely said...

Seriously, why do they choose the most inopportune moments to finally do a chore??

I'm sorry about your shampoo. That just ain't right.

Casey said...

I'm not saying this because of you guys but at MY house, the weekends are way more stressful. Having Jamie with us (yes, he's technically always with us since he works from home) but having him not working makes everything crazier. I want to get stuff done but he always comes up with these grand plans like beach or waterpark or this or that.. ugh. Just want to do laundry without anyone hanging on me...