Monday, June 28, 2010

Conversations with a Preschooler, #5: Genitalia

Act One

Scene: Early AM several weeks ago.  Jenni is showering while Oscar and Miles play in adjacent rooms, alternately wandering in and out of the bathroom and torturing each other.  Oscar steps into bathroom just as Jenni steps out out shower.

Oscar: Momma!  What happened to your penis?

Jenni: Uh, nothing. [Assuming Oscar is much to young for this conversation.]

Oscar: But what happened to it?

Jenni: Don't worry about it.  Can I have some privacy, please?

Act Two

Scene: Oscarelli family car, two or three weeks following above incident.

Oscar: Dada, do you have a penis?

Jenni and Nelson exchange look.

Nelson: Yes, Oscar, I do.

Oscar: Oh, okay.  Does Momma have a penis?

Nelson: No, Momma does not have a penis.

Oscar: Why?

Jenni: Because Momma is a girl and girls don't have a penis.

Oscar: Why?

Jenni: Because that just the way it is, Oscar.  Boys have a penis and girls do not.*

Oscar: Okay, Momma.

Act Three

Scene: Oscarelli family car, a few days later. Nelson, Jenni, Oscar, and Miles are all present.

Oscar: Momma, do you have a penis?

Jenni: No, Oscar. 

Oscar: Because you are a girl.

Jenni: Yes, that's right.

Oscar: Dada has a penis?

Nelson: Yes, I do.

Oscar: Because Dada is a boy?

Nelson: Yes.

Jenni: What about Miles?  Does he have a penis?

Oscar: Yes!  Miles has a penis.  He's a boy.  What about Meme?  Does Meme have a penis?  Meme does have a penis! [laughing]

Jenni: She does?!

Oscar: No, [laughing] Meme doesn't have a penis!  She's a girl!

NOTE: Oscar now feels comfortable asking pretty much anyone he meets if they have a penis, or informing them that they do or do not have a penis.  It's really awesome, especially in public.

*Yes, I realize that there is some wiggle room in the whole "boys have a penis and girls have a vagina" statement, but we'll get to that later.  Much later.


John said...

I plan to use the "boys have a penis, girls have a crippling shoe obsession" line when my two are old enough.

One of my best friends has twin 3-year-old boys - one day, the two of them barge into mommy in the bathroom (as 3-year-olds are want to do). "Mommy, can I see your penis?"

"Why do you want to?"

"Because I've never seen it?"

"Well, mommy doesn't have a penis."

"Well, what do you got down there?"

Sprite's Keeper said...

Sprite hasn't asked about this yet. She only uses outside looks to determine if someone is a boy or girl. I kind of hope it stays this way for a while..

Jan said...

In about 10 years, he won't even want you to mention the possibility that you or Nelson have any genitalia at all. The knowledge that you have a sex life will be met with screams of horror.

ROFL @ John!

Pamela said...

So Miss O joined the Girl Scouts this year, and the boys were not happy being left at home. It got to such a level of ridiculousness that we went *there* and said, "You may not go to Girl Scouts because you are a boy and you have a penis, and Girl Scouts is for GIRLS. WITH VAGINAS," thereby bestowing the name VAGINA GIRL SCOUTS to the Girl Scouts.

Miss O marched in the local Memorial Day parade, and last week HB pointed out the place where we sat to watch the parade. "That's where we watched the Pagina... Ummm, the Pagine Girls... the Pagina Parade..."

Wee Man, age 4, said, "YOU MEAN THE VAGINA PARADE????"

And we wet our pants laughing. The end.

Stacie said...

Crap, you guys are not making me feel confident over here. I have a 2 year old daughter -- are these the things I have to look forward to.

The worst this she does is say "bra" whenever she sees my boobs. She thinks she has a "bra" too.

*hides in a corner*

Casey said...

Be VERY thankful you have two boys. Elliot keeps talking about her bagina and then asking Graham if she can touch his penis. We are always reiterating that nobody touches ANYONE's PENIS OR VAGINA, EVER. There is not enough Xanax to recover from that, ever.

Momma Hunt said...

We had a similar convo last summer. My son pointed to my knee one day and went Momma is that your penis "My reply was no honey mommy's don't have them and if I did and it was to my knee I would have a much better paying job right now" He didn't get the joke but thats ok!

Michele R said...

Your commenters are hysterical! I have nothing to add. Only that we tell our boys that girls have a vulva. Just my way of subliminally conveying there’s more than one important part around those parts.

Heather said...

So funny!! And embarrassing (in public). I'm so thankful that this has yet to come up in our my fingers crossed that I handle it right...a glass of wine might be a good idea once all is said & done.

Anonymous said...

OH GOD. We had the penis & vagina conversation the day you posted this. I was doing the early morning bathroom routine & Claire spread her legs & said MOM! What is this called?!
(I'd already tried to have this conversation with her a few months ago after she told the teachers at Kids Day In that Carter needed a new diaper because he had "doo doo balls".)
I said, "That is called your vagina. That's what girls have." She followed up with "And Carter?" "Carter has a penis."
"So you have a dabina too. Because ALL girls have dabinas." "That's right." "And Daddy. He has a pemis. Boys have pemis." "Yes, you're right." "Hm. I can never have a pemis."
(Also, while showering with me a few days ago, she suddenly noticed that I have hair where she does not...and brought this up at the end of our conversation..."and when I'm BIG, will I have to have all that yuck hair on my dabina too?")
Needless to say, when I dropped her off at preschool that morning, I pulled the teacher aside & said not to be surprised if she brought those two words up that day.

rachel said...

Ben asked me "where is your penis? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PENIS???" He was all trying to bend over and trying to lift the towel I hurriedly threw over me as soon as I saw him looking for 'my penis'. I told him that I am a girl and girls don't have a penis. He looked at me like I was crazy and slowly walked away. LOL