Today has been a crazy busy morning. I leave for New York on Wednesday morning, and I need to start making lists. I need to make a list of things to pack, a list of important phone numbers, a list of meals for Nelson and the boys while I'm gone. Lists!
I'm not sure that I've mentioned this, but my trip will be the very first time I've ever left Miles William, the first time I've been away from Oscar for more than a couple of nights, and the first time that Nelson has been all alone with the boys for more than a few hours. So while I'm nervous about going to a strange city, rooming with people I've never met, and mingling with 1,000+ strangers, I'm far more nervous about what is going to be going on at home while I'm gone.
Now, Nelson is a perfectly competent parent. I know this. I also know how squirrelly the boys get when he goes out of town for a few days. Since I am the disciplinarian and the rule master in our home I can only imagine they are going to be even more squirrelly while I am gone. I'm worried for him. I'm also worried for me.
Last night both boys ended up in the bed and the morning I was woken by small boys giggling and throwing their bodies against me and smothering me with kisses and I was was thinking, "I can't even imagine what it will feel like to get a wake up call from a phone as opposed to little boy's body slam and sloppy kisses." And then I realized I didn't know if I couldn't imagine it because the though of a real, grown-up-style wake up call was amazing or awful. Because as much as I feel annoyed by those no-so-tiny feet and torsos slamming into me at 6:30AM and I also kind of love it.
Yes, I am desperate for a break. I'm desperate for some grown up time. Dinner that does not involve food in nugget form. No dirty diapers. Multiple glasses of wine or beer or cocktail (oh, my!) without worrying about how I'll wake up with one of the boys needs me. Wearing clothes not stained by snot or yogurt and are not made exclusively of jersey. Conversations that do not involve me asking someone the same question 47 times and getting absolutely no response.
But the truth is I just love these boys. I love my life. I love being home with them all day; I love spending time with my husband once the kids are in bed; I love the outings we go on as a family to parks and zoos and even to Costco. I love little boys in my lap and whispers in my ear. I love sloppy kisses and over enthusiastic hugs. I love the (rare) mornings when Nelson and I lie in bed listening to the sound of Oscar and Miles laughing and playing at the foot of the bed or in the next room. I love all four of us piled onto our bed for story time in the evenings. Love it.
I'm sure I will have a great time in New York. I know I will make new friends and see new things and have new experiences. I'm also pretty sure I'll be anxious to get back home from the moment I arrive, because I already miss my guys and I haven't even started packing.