Let me break down the issues.
1) Asking why? I don't mean this in the typical asking why scenario; we are far past that developmental milestone. This is more of a questioning everything I ask him to do. As in, "Oscar, get your shoes on; it's time for school." "Why?" or "Oscar, stop teasing your brother." "Why?" or "Oscar, I need you to pick up your puzzle." "Why?" It's driving me a little batty. Why it is time for school? Why should he stop teasing his brother? Why does he need to clean up? These are conversations we've had at least a thousand times. He KNOWS why.
I finally told him earlier this week that when I tell him to do something (like clean up toys, be polite, get dressed) he needs to just do these things and not ask why just for the sake of asking why. And then he asked me why and I responded, "BECAUSE I SAY SO, THAT IS WHY." This has been slightly effective. He still asks why and I prompt him, "What did I say about asking why when Mommy asks you to do something?" and he replies, "Not to. I'm supposed to just listen." Or when I tell him it's time for school and he asks why I'll give him the mom look until he flinches. And then I tell him to get his shoes on fifteen more fucking times and my head explodes and we're ten minutes late for school because brains take forever to get off my sofa and if you don't clean them up immediately they stain.
2) Misbehaving and laughing maniacally when reprimanded. An example would be when the boys are in bed at night and Oscar kicks Miles in the head to keep him awake (no lie) and laughs like this is the most hilarious thing that has ever happened. Then, when I go in to asses the situation and reprimand Oscar, he just cackles this weirdly loud, fake sounding laugh as I'm telling him it is not nice to kick and doubly not nice to kick someone who is sleeping in the head. And he just does this crazy maniacal laughter and it freaks me out and pisses me off. Like he's saying, "I"m a jerk and there's nothing you can do about it, HAHAHAHAHA!" It makes me feel like I'm working in a mental institution.
3) The drama, oh my god the DRAMA. I swear, you guys, it kills me. Like, he was putting his shoes on the other day and having some trouble because the tongue got jammed down in the toe? He was getting all red faced and saying, "Don't you ever do that, shoe! Get on my foot! GET ON MY FOOT!" It was actually a little hilarious. Seeing his frustration, I offered my assistance and he responded, "NO! NEVER! DON'T YOU NEVER, EVER HELP ME! I DON'T EVER WANT YOUR HELP!" and then he ran into the other room, positively furious with me. This actually pretty funny, but not when it happens like 10 times a day, you know? NEVER EVER? Really? Relax, dude, relax.
4) Nothing is good enough (this ties in with the drama.) He asks for water so I pour him some water, but OH NO, I WANT JUICE, JUICE! So I get him so juice, but MY GOD THIS IS APPLE JUICE AND I WANTED ORANGE JUICE! Or he can't go to bed because he needs drink of water and he can't sleep without socks, but then I DON'T LIKE THIS CUP! and THESE SOCKS ARE TOO TIGHT! Socks too tight? What does that even mean? Or two books is not enough, it has to be five! He HATES all the books we just read (that he picked), so we need to read more. Or he needs to sit on my lap RIGHT NOW and it doesn't matter that I'm trying to eat my dinner or make an appointment or pay bills. RIGHT NOW.
5) He's all over me all the time. If I am sitting, he has to be in my lap. If I am walking, he has to be in front of me, pausing every five seconds to make sure I'm still there (I am! We're just going to the kitchen for crying out loud.) If I'm cooking, he has to be behind me. If I'm bent over getting out a pan or something from the cabinet, he has to jump on my back. I cannot even tell you the number of times in a day I bump into this kid. He grabs the pocket of my jeans and hangs off them. He wraps himself around my legs. And, if he is on my lap (and if I'm sitting, you can bet that he is there) he's poking at my face or my neck or smelling my hair. Sitting next to me is not good enough; he has to be on top of me. And he wants me to carry him around! He's nearly four and weights upwards of 35 pounds! It's like he's trying to return to the womb or something. I just need a little room to breathe. A little!
So, that's what's been going on with Oscar. I got up at 5AM this morning just so I could have a few moments of sanity all to myself. I'm going for a pap smear this evening and I can't wait! That's right, I'm actually looking forward to an invasive vaginal exam because it will afford me about an hour and a half of quiet, drama free, alone time. This is what it has come to.
Sigh. That's the word on Oscar. I know, this too shall pass. I know! And I love him, I really do. But right now, in the moment? ARRRGGGHHH!