Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Let me tell you who I am not

I am not:

...the person who peels corn in the grocery store, looking for the perfect ears to take home, and pretty much blocking all other grocery store patrons from procuring corn.

...the person who tries to make it through a yellow light every time.

...the person who asks to skip in line at the grocery store because I only have like three items when you have ten.

...the person who smokes cigarettes around small children.

...the person who gets pedicures on the reg.

...the person who remembers birthdays.

...the person who gets thank you notes out on time.

...the person that yells at her kids in public.

...the person with a funny-smelling minivan.

...the person who cannot laugh at him/herself.

...the person who returns library books late.

...the person who does not return library books at all.

...the person who thinks that she is a better parent than you.

...the person who takes things too seriously.

...the person who is friends with all the moms at the nursery school.

...the person who will allow her kids to be bullied.

...the person who is the skinny, pretty mom.

...the person who always remembers to be thoughtful.

...the person who always says the right things at the right times.

...the person with a spotless house.

...the person who jaywalks.

...the person who always practices what she preaches.

...the person who gets enough sleep.

...the person with good follow through.

...the person who blames others for my own shortcomings.

...the person who stops trying.

Tell me, who are you not?

10 comments:

Krista said...

Unfortunately, I AM the person who remembers birthdays. However, I am NOT the person who remembers to buy and mail out cards for those said birthdays.

Everything else, we are in agreement on. :-)

Michele said...

I am not the person who puts things down in any old place than can never find them. I am the person that lives with the people that puts things down any old place in the house than can't find them later. I am not the person that says: "if you had put it in the right place when you were done with it you could find it now." Because, that would be senseless.

Sprite's Keeper said...

I am not.. disagreeing with you. :-)

gretchen said...

I'm with you on the corn shucking! It drives me CRAZY! I just grab what looks healthy, and I'm never disappointed with what I get. And I'm glad to hear about the thank you note thing. We still haven't done the thank yous from Jude's First Communion.

Suga T said...

I am not the girl you call when your car is falling apart; I'm the girl you call when your LIFE is falling apart (and it's 3am).

I am not the one who comes from the All American Family ca. 1958 - but I may be the one who comes from the All American Family of 2058. Watch those Census demographics roll in, baby!

I am not the woman my mother thought I would be, but I'm damn sure the woman I want to be.

I am not a girl with one regret at being able to call Jenni a friend of mine. -Tiffanie

Just Another Lesbian said...

I am not the woman who lives a timid life and because of that I am not the woman who apologizes when I make massive, huge fuck-ups.

I am not the woman who cares if my children swear, talk about their penis/vagina/butt at the dinner table, or pick their noses.

I am not the straight, suburban housewife that I am often mistaken for.

I am not afraid of who I am and I'm not afraid to be who I am loudly, even when that makes other people cringe.

:-) Mikki

Kate said...

I have a somewhat irrational hatred for the people who shuck their corn at the grocery store--irrational in that my level of anger toward people who do that is pretty inappropriate. However, I am not the person who makes a scene; I am the person who hates quietly.

Keely said...

I am not most of those same things. I am also not the person to call if you want to go to a country & western bar.

Pam said...

I am not the person who gets all emotionally freaked out when I hear bad news, but I am also not a cold uncaring person like some think I am when I don't react like they think I should.
When I read your list at first I thought you said you were not the person who got pedicures on the rug. it made me think of a very funny story about when my husband was little. his mom was trying to make him take a nap in her room, so he got under the bed (on a white rug) to paint pennies with red nail polish. I don't get pedicures on the rug either.

Casey said...

I'm not sure if my car smells or not but it's pretty nasty in there. Crumbs and toddlers and such.

What is UP with the corn shuckers in the produce aisle? I don't get it.