Monday, October 27, 2008

Listless Mondays: Pet Peeves

I am a woman of many pet peeves. Even more so being that I'm pregnant. Here's a list of things you should ABSOLUTELY NEVER do in my presence, or just things that annoy the crap out of me in general.

1. Over cooking pasta - Pasta is supposed to be al dente, people, not mushy. It should be firm, but not crunchy. The only people who should be eating mushy pasta are babies and other people with no teeth. Do you have teeth? Then cook your pasta properly.

2. People who pause at green lights (I'm looking at you, Nelson) - Green means go. So GO GODDAMN IT! Pausing at a green light is the opposite of safe. It is down right dangerous. Proceed forward. Should you use caution? Yes. Should you come to a complete stop, causing the cars behind you to stop short and possibly attempt to drive on the shoulder to pass you? No.

3. Inappropriate parkers - If you don't have a sticker with a stick figure in a wheelchair, don't park in the handicap accessible spaces. If you are not enormously pregnant, do not park in the expectant mother parking. If you do not have an infant, do not park in the parents with infant parking spaces. I assure you it is way more difficult for me to haul my fat-pregnant ass and stroller to the store than it is for you to haul your fat non-pregnant ass to the store. Oh, and screw you and your Lexus - you don't need to park in more than one space. One space per car. That's what the white lines are for.

4. Wet cuffs - You know when your washing dish or washing your hands, so you pull up the sleeves of your shirt/sweater, but they fall back down in the middle of the washing so the cuffs end up getting soaked and then you have to deal with wet cuffs all afternoon? Yeah, I hate that.

5. Shirt stains that appear only after washing - grrr.

6. Adults who chew with their mouths open - Holy crap this is so disgusting. The sight of it is bad enough, but the SOUND of the chewing is what really drives me insane. I mean who doesn't know that one is supposed to close ones mouth when chewing? Isn't that common knowledge, or am I being a politeness fanatic?

7. Dogs licking themselves (Valentine, I'm looking at you) - Oh god, there are few things that give me the heebie jeebies more than the sound of a dog licking itself repeatedly. Valentine does this - it's like a nervous habit. That wet slurping sound just makes me want to hurl.

8. Litterbugs - Trashcans are for trash, sidewalks are for walking. Keep your filth to yourself and have a little respect. Capishe?

9. Dirty dishes in the sink - PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER!!!! What's that you say? This dishwasher is full of clean dishes? EMPTY IT! Really, I don't mind, I swear to god. It will not hurt my feelings. And, if you don't know where something goes, ask me, don't just put it in some arbitrary location.

I must have about a thousand more, but I'm curious about what YOUR pet peeves are, if you're willing to share.


Cameron said...

Don't you hate it when you get something stuck in your teeth? I hate it when people write checks in the self-checkout lanes. I hate a lot of things, but my shrink and I are working on it. ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh girl, I'm SO with you on #3, 6, and 7!

A weird pet peeve of mine is when guys spit on the ground. I find it beyond offensive. I wish we had laws like in Singapore where you would be severely beaten for stuff like that. Just unnecessarily rude!

Casey said...

You saw my list a few weeks back here:

I am with you on all of those, especially the pasta. Who would have thought I would have such a strong opinion of pasta but it's nice to know you do too. Oh, and I have two dogs who lick their crotches daily and it drives me INSANE.

Anonymous said...

Wow. That sounded like a pent up list. Been noodling on that one a while? I'm with you on the dog licking. Our dog is a big licker of toys and other people, but not herself. UNTIL, bedtime. Then, it's as if she's decided to give herself a good going over, starting and ending with her ass. Vigorous licking, and yes, the sound? It's distinct. Don't even think of coming over here with your ass breath after that. Go have a mint.

Susanica said...

Hi Jenni. I hate it when the paper is not on the porch by the time I'm up and ready to read it. Doesn't happen often, but it's always supremely disappointing.

I also have have a pet peeve about politians (of any gender)bringing their infants to loud, late night gatherings like conventions or debates.

Also, I know Susanne's biggest pet peeve is when the drawers are once again a mess of stuff because I do not put things back with as she calls it "a modicum of of logic". -Monica

moo said...

OMG, yes yes yes you hit all of my pet peeves right on the head!!

Anonymous said...

I'm so with you on #1, #2, and #3 (and I'm not even pregnant!)

I would add people who come to almost a complete stop before making a right turn in the middle of traffic--unless you're a big rig, your car probably isn't going to flip over if you make that turn at 5 mph instead of from a dead stop. Grrrr.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you on all of them. Even my 2 year old (ok, 3 in December)daughter can eat with her mouth shut - I might have made a bit of a fuss about it as she now makes a point every meal of showing me how she's eating with her mouth, pointedly, shut.

The only two of mine that you missed are women with buggies walking really slowly down the middle of the pavement - walk to the side. And people stopping suddenly - for example when they get off the escalator or out of the lift. Get out of the way of all the people who know where they're going why don't you?

steenky bee said...

Wet cuffs are the worst. Also? Please, please stop looking at the dog while he's doing that. You said you did it. Don't deny it.

steenky bee said...

Also, who knew that people had such strong pasta convictions? I'm all nervous about my noodles now.