Friday, October 10, 2008

Phobia Friday: The Man Cold

That season is upon us once again: cold and flu season. And with cold and flu season comes the dreaded man cold.

What is a man cold, you ask? It's only the worst cold ever, basically on par with the black death. Now, not all men get man colds, but ONLY men can get a man cold. Until just last year, I though this phenomenon was confined to just my husband, but apparently it is a world-wide epidemic.

For the last week and a half, I've been waylaid with a cold, as has Oscar. It's been miserable. Runny noses, post-nasal drip, sore throats, congested chests, chesty coughs, headaches, backaches. You know. A cold.

Yesterday morning, I get a call from Nelson (who was at work.) "I'm sick. I'm going to the doctor."

"What's wrong I?" I asked, concerned.

"It my head. And my throat. It's really sore," he said.

"Oh, sounds like the cold that has been going around the house," I said.

"Oh, no. This is much worse. My throat. It's an infection."

"Okay," I said.

He goes to the doctor. Diagnosis? A virus, a.k.a a cold. She told him to take decongestants and get some rest. She gave him a prescription for an antibiotic if he wasn't better by Sunday.

"Maybe I should just fill it," he said.

"No. You do not need antibiotics for a cold, only if it becomes and ear or sinus infection," I said.

"SIGH. Okay."

And today? Today, it's bad people. Really, really, bad. He called out of work. He woke in the middle of the night to go and get our down comforter out of the closet, "I'm freezing!"

This morning, it was the chills.

When he finally came down stairs, he took them one at a time. You know, because having a cold impairs the ability of people to come down stairs. And he groaned, literally groaned with each and every stair. And he has continued to groan with each step he took all morning long.

IT'S A COLD. Yes, it sucks. Yes, he feels shitty. But, is he dying? Hardly! Is he really having difficulty walking? I find that hard to believe. It is the SAME COLD I had, and I'm pregnant with my shitty pregnant immune system. I couldn't even take decongestants. And I barely mentioned my ills.

But, being the excellent wife that I am (ahem), I made him some soup and some tea, got him the remote and a blanket, and set him up in the couch. He's watching "How it's Made" as we speak. Text book man cold.

I keep trying to remind myself, I know not the pain and agony of a man cold. I only know what a regular cold feels like. Nelson is enduring a level of suffering I cannot, even though I've endured natural child birth, possibly comprehend.

I really just hope he can make it, I hope he can survive the day. Because if I have to deal with another day of this? I might kill him.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Not to go all man-hating but my husband is the exact same way. When we pass the same strain of cold back and forth it somehow hits him HARDER (it doesn't) and he's out of commission (when I wasn't). I hope Nelson feels better soon, for everyone's sanity!

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, the horrors of the man cold. I know it well--by observation, naturally. They are SUCH BABIES when they get sick! Ugh. I'm frustrated just reading about this, because I know exactly what you are talking about! LOL

Martin said...


very funny.

You might appreciate this:

steenky bee said...

This was hilarious! Our man colds are much different at The Bee. My husband is actually quite a trooper when he's sick, but if I get a cold, or one of the kids get a cold, then husband will immediately have the same symptoms. I always accuse him of stealiing my cold thunder. It robs me of my whineyness for a day or so. I don't want to share that with him!

P.S.: I finally stepped up and got a reader so I won't be like a day late commenting on everyone's blogs. (By reader, I meant I subscribe now, not that I hired a person to read and comment on blogs for me. I would never do that, not in today's economy.)

Anonymous said...

hahahahahaha. We call it man flu - it's never a cold in our house, always the flu for the husband. I, of course, am told to take lemsip and get on with it!

I don't know if blogger accepted my last comment because my explorer bombed out so I'm trying again. Sorry if it's duplicated. I made it a bit different in case!

Jen's Farmily said...

This post was brilliant b/c it is SO stinkin' true! Mr. C will get a whiny voice and ask me to get him some 'juuuuice' (yes, he drags it out like that). I just roll my eyes and remember that next time I get sick, he is SO getting me some damn 'juuuuuice'.

Anonymous said...

LMAO! That is SO DANG TRUE!!! When my husband gets ill, get this, he gets.... MAD. Seriously??? He gets angry with his body because he's so upset that "a tiny germ that you can't even see takes down an entire human body!". Control issues???

When I get sick, it's "oh your fine. suck it up" because he can't handle other people getting sick. WTH is wrong with men?!?!