Wednesday, March 24, 2010

It's 3AM; He Must Be Lonely

Scene: The Oscarelli (under duress) Family Bed. Present are Jenni, Nelson, and Oscar.

Time: 3AM, Tuesday 


Jenni: Nelson.

Nelson: SNOOCHUUU...NOR...NOR...huh?

Jenni: Nelson.  Go get the baby and rock him, okay?

Nelson: Humph!

Nelson gets out of bed and rocks Miles for approximately 15 minuets.  Brings Miles to bed.

Time: 3:45AM, Tuesday

Nelson: Snooochuu....

Miles: A cha mama na na.  Sigh.

Jenni trying not to move.

Miles: Unnhh.  Uh.  Wa!

Miles stage dives over Oscar to reach Jenni, kicking Oscar in the face.

Oscar: No!  I don't like that! I don't like that! Miles, NO!

Miles: Hee hee!

Jenni frantically disentangles Miles's feet from Oscar's face.  Nelson continues snoring.

Jenni: Nelson!  Can you help me?

Nelson: Wha?  What?

Jenni: Get Oscar from underneath Miles.

Nelson grabs Oscar.  Miles settles in.  On Jenni's neck.  Like a 22lb flesh scarf.

Time: 3:50AM - 5:00AM, Tuesday

Miles has been tossing and turning and flopping around on JENNI'S NECK for  over an hour, alternately sighing heavily and staring inches from her face. Oscar has throwing the lower half of his body over Jenni's abdomen and has been kicking liberally.  Nelson has been sleeping peacefully.

Jenni: Nelson.  NELSON.

Nelson: Snoooch...What?

Jenni: I need you to take Miles.

Nelson: Humph.  FINE.  Give him to me.

Jenni: You have to come and take him.

Nelson: Pass him over here.

Jenni: No, you don't understand.  He's on my neck.  I can't even move.

Nelson: Humph.  Fine.

Nelson takes Miles, who wakes indignantly. Rocks him for a half an hour. Returns to bed.

Time: 5:30AM, Tuesday

Miles almost immediately lunges over Oscar to Jenni.


Jenni once again disentangles Miles's feet from Oscar's face.  Miles wraps himself around Jenni's head, like a 22lb flesh hat and settles in.

Time: 5:40AM, Tuesday

Jenni's Alarm Sounds

End Scene

Repeat scene. Every night. For the rest of my life.


Mrsbear said...


I think you need your own room. ;)

At the very least a nap. A three day nap.

I've been letting the boys sleep with me on the nights my husband is on shift. They love it. My spine doesn't. I don't know how you do it every night.

Pamela said...

oh good lord.

that makes me have stress in me.

Barbara said...

It won't be happening for the rest of your life. An 18year old flesh hat is just not going to work!

VandyJ said...

I feel for you. I don't like being Bruiser's mattress either. He apparently likes the lumpiness but I can't take the squirming and head buts to the chin. Here's hoping everyone discovers the joy of sleeping in their own bed.

Jamie said...

Family Bed? No way, no how. Mama/Dada/The Man Cub need their sleep.

You & Nelson, my dears, are saints.

Susanica said...

I apologize in advance for laughing out loud during this dramatic recreation. Honestly though, this is just not good Jenni. You're pretty darn smart and resourceful though. I think you are going to figure out some solution. You have to right? (Well you and Nelson that is). -M

Sprite's Keeper said...

Sorry for laughing, but thank GOD my kid sleeps deep in her own bed!

Big Mama Cass said...

22lb flesh scarf? ::dies::

22lb flesh hat? ::so dies::


you must stop the co-sleepage! sursly.

gretchen said...


Casey said...

Oh my god, you're making me more tired than I already am. And I don't even have a flesh scarf or hat, I just sleep on the floor in the asshole's rooms.

Here's to sleep. At Blogher.

Keely said...

Um, might you reconsider the co-sleeping thing?

X slept with me ONE night this weekend at my parents and though he slept quite well (for him), I did not. It might have been the punches to the throat, it might have been the kicks to the spleen, it might have been him sitting up and screeching because he didn't know where he was. Who can say?

Keely said...

Oh! Do you have room for the extenda-bed? Friends of mine do that with 2 kids ages similar to yours and it works ok. Takes up the whole damn bedroom, but everybody gets sleep. They've mostly trained the kids to sleep on 'their' section.

Jan said...


I live through THAT every night (so do the neighbors on the next street). However, at least I have no 22lb flesh scarves. *snort* Okay, that made me laugh. Quite a bit, actually.

I'm sorry.

jen said...

ohmygoodness. i swear. i'm in the same position. for ever.

or at least until the kids move out.

i keep telling myself ... this is the hardest time of my life. this will be the hardest time of my life. over and over.

Anonymous said...

Ugh Jenni. There must be benefits to that sleeping arrangement. And what is it with men that can sleep through anything? I have one of those too and it drives me crazy!

Mikki said...

No way, no how. I love my babies, but they can eff right off when it comes to sleeping with me. On the rare occasions that they have a real reason to be distressed (i.e. Dramatic illness), I sleep in the chair in their rooms. Or rather, I dose fitfully and then resent them for days after. One year of sleep nonsense is my cutoff - then, they deal. Eventually, they will sleep.

Hang in there...I'll be sending happy bed vibes your way!

Captain Dumbass said...

Flesh scarf and hat. I like that.

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

This was so funny to me. Because I have been there. Well not actually there with you in bed. That would have been wierd and crowded.

Cara said...

Oh Jenni.

I'm sorry (really) but I laughed my ass off while reading this. Only because I can so mother freaking relate. The kids don't sleep with us often, but when they do, it is EXACTLY like you wrote.

And what pisses me off even more? Chase usually gets up after an hour or two & goes to sleep on the couch. Leaving me to take the full brunt of the little beasts torture.

Mary said...

This scene is so familiar. Except lately my 2 1/2 year old has decided she wants to be in her big girl bed... but with me in it too. So I'm upstairs/downstairs/upstairs/downstairs all night long between her and nursing her little brother in the "Family Bed." The sad part is that on the few occasions both children have slept peacefully in their own rooms I just lie awake staring at the monitors thinking something must be wrong. "This too shall pass" will be etched on my tombstone. :)

anymommy said...

That's not funny. At all. Except for the flesh scarf/flesh hat thing, that was really freaking funny.

XO. I wish you sleep.

anymommy said...

Oops, that's me! stacey d, anymommy, I have a split personality.